Songs that Mean Something to Me

For some reason, there are a few songs that speak to me where I'm at right now, and I feel inclined, for reasons that I don't fully comprehend, to share them. It is weird for me, that the songs that I think about most, and have the most meaning to me at this time, are songs that are, as best as I can tell, very secular. I wish I understood better the connection between me and these songs, but I guess it has to do with a sense that I am somehow understood by them. Okay, so here goes.

The first song is Paul Simon's "The Obvious Child." You can watch the video here. I think what I connect with in this song most is the apparent frustration being aired here. I can relate to that frustration, that disappointment with how things have gone, that anger. I also sense some sadness in the song. Since I'm mourning all that I've lost due to my bout with insanity, I can very easily relate to these emotions- I feel the same way. I do resent how certain people have treated me, that certain people have been dishonest with me because they felt I couldn't handle the truth, and that resentment resonates with that song. The chorus "I don't expect to be treated like a fool no more, I don't expect to sleep through the night Some people say a lie is just a lie But I say the cross is in the ballpark Why deny the obvious child?" really hits that hard. It is funny how music connects us to feelings we may not even know how to otherwise articulate. I feel this song expresses my feelings better than I could otherwise express.

Another song that speaks to me is "Dancing in the Dark" by Bruce Springsteen, which can be found here. This song expresses some frustrations that I really connect well with. "There's a joke, it's wild, and it's on me." is a sentiment I can connect with very easily enough. And I definitely feel like I'm dancing in the dark- I feel this phrase is about uncertainty, not sure where life is going, some confusion, yeah there really a range of emotions in this song I can relate to. What I find ironic, is the most popular youtube video for this song, found here, it may sound more like the original cut of the song, but the facial expressions during the song don't match up nearly as well to the emotions of the song. It's like there was a disconnection between himself and the emotions of the song while he was singing it. I like the version I first linked better, even though it goes unnecessarily long at the end, because the facial expressions he made while singing the song lined up better with the emotions of the song.

There is one other song that I relate with, and happily enough the author, who is a believer, his faith is integral to the song, yet it too relates to the sadness and frustration I currently feel. I'm talking about Rich Mullin's "Hold Me Jesus," which can be found here. Sadly, I couldn't find a live video of him just playing this song, which is too bad. One of the coolest things about Rich Mullins is that he never sugar-coated the life of faith in his music. His music often has emotions in it that relate to the harsher realities that the life of faith experiences, which means a lot to me, because that is where I've been my whole life. Nothing has been easy for me. Right now, I feel like I'm in some dark cave that no one quite understands, and few know how to relate to me where I'm at. It is weird, to go from a place of confident knowing, to a state of lostness that I don't know how to describe. I wish I had answers about why what happened happened, but I don't. I really don't know anything, but I do believe that I am loved by God, whatever that means. I may not understand it, and I may reject it some days, but I still believe it is there. I wish putting my life together was a lot easier than it is, but it just isn't. There ought to be answers, but none that I've found. What I find sadest of all, is that even though I am basically myself now (minus the joy and spiritual confidence), people are still avoiding me or even scared of me. I guess you can't do your best immitation of the Tasmanion Devil from Loony Tunes and then expect things to be normal four months later, but that doesn't make things any easier now. Oh well.

I hope this post helps someone. I don't know that I'm necessarily trying to help anyone; hell, I don't even know how to help myself. Nevertheless, maybe someone else will connect with it. Who knows. I've never felt so undone before in my whole life, and if you are in a crisis of epic proportions that is over your head, well, at least you know I have some idea what you might feel like.

Sincerely,
Sean

Depression

I want to write about my current state of mind. I'll be honest here; I don't know my exact motivation for writing about this, but I do feel that very few people who feel depressed write about it, so I thought I might share where I am at. Maybe it will help someone. Who knows, maybe it will even help me.
My life feels meaningless. It is like I am lost, or more accurately, I lost myself. I feel spiritually dead. I have feelings of wrath I don't know what to do with. I'm lonely. Oh, I'm really lonely. The people I've trusted the most to help me with life, I don't feel I can count on. I've lost my sense of hope. Truthfully, I feel as though I went to the hospital fucked up one way, and left fucked up a different way. What do you do, when you are so isolated? I don't know the answer. Truthfully, I don't know anything. This place I am at, doesn't need shallow encouragement. What it does need, though, I'm not sure. I have a deep yearning to be understood, that I don't think is going to get met any time soon. People are worthless, when it comes to helping this kind of state of mind. I am so angry at God I could spit. I wish I had solutions, but really, all I've got are problems.

I wish I could end this post on a positive note, but somehow, I don't think that would give justice to my feelings, so I'll just say this- thanks for listening.

Sincerely,
Sean D. Zlatnik

Why I Am Stuck Here

Note: All names have been changed to protect the identities of those involved.

I feel it might be beneficial for some people to know why it is I am stuck- or better said, why I believe the voice I am hearing is God. I just feel I need to explain this so that people can better understand where I am coming from. I do agree that a lot of the decisions I've made are strange. Some of the decisions I've made, I wonder what the point was. I wouldn't say this is really a defence, though in some ways I suppose it is. I realize I may end up leaving some details out, but when telling a story like this one, you just do the best you can. My biggest reason for believing that God was involved in this, is the divine intelligence required to create the following parables.

First parable-

I believe I've already written about this, but I believe it bears retelling. There are some elements of the story that I left out before that I am going to add, because I feel some things haven't been explained.

The story starts with my being invited to an event at Miranda's house. Miranda herself invited me, which meant a lot to me. At this event, I observed some strange behavior from two other parties, Ellen and Raina. I noticed that Ellen was avoiding me, which I found unsettling, because I had a nice friendship with Ellen and could not grasp why she was avoiding me. During the event Miranda asked me to be quieter, which makes sense because my voice carries very well. I was having a conversation with Raina in which I was whispering in her ear, because Miranda wanted me to be quiet, when Raina said (my guess, in hindsight jokingly) that Miranda was looking at me, indicating annoyance at how loud I was. Thinking Raina was serious, I stopped talking to Raina. Later, when I tried to talk to Raina, it became obvious she didn't want to talk to me anymore. I thought things were friendly- not grasping the romantic undercurrent involved, so I took offense at Raina's unwillingness to talk to me. At the end of the event I observed some strange behavior from Miranda- I told her that I had emailed her, and her response... is difficult to describe here but in my mind's eye it definitely relayed romantic interest. I was stunned. Once before Miranda had acted in a way that conveyed interest; she went very much out of her way to say hello to me- but besides that moment, I had no reason to think Miranda wanted thing one to do with me.

Since up until then, it seemed to me that Miranda was not interested, I was puzzled at why she was acting the way she was. It was a mistery. I think I emailed her a few times for reasons I can't recall now, and she got irritated (may not be the word she would choose, but close enough) and asked me to leave her alone for the time being. There you have one regret of mine- I wish I had honored this request. However, I got it into my head that Miranda was using Ellen and Raina to gather intelligence on me. This was very upsetting to me. The next time she tried to talk to me, I wouldn't talk to her- not that I was completely silent, mind you, but I shut the conversation down as fast as possible. Later that night I regretted doing this. Feeling remorseful about shutting the conversation down, and feeling afraid that my doing so would ruin any chance at a relationship with Miranda, I emailed Miranda saying "I don't know how to love you well right now." This was truthful- on one hand, I thought she might prefer me to not write her, she might prefer that I honor the set boundry. On the other hand, I was afraid she felt jilted, and I didn't want her to feel that way. I was dumbfounded as to what the correct course of action, because I was trying too hard to understand what was going on. From this point, I was emailing both Miranda and Ellen, and somehow I became convinced Miranda was using her friends to gather information about me, and so I wrote a letter with the following gist- Dear Miranda, I know what you did. A just response would be for me to never speak to you again. A merciful response would be to forgive you. A gracious response would be for me to spend all the money in my bank account to buy you these gift cards. I recommend you use them to ask me out, but you may do what you want with them. Sincerely, Sean I guess you could say I was very upset over something that was all in my head. That evening, I discovered that Miranda had removed me from her friend list on facebook. I freaked out, and wrote Ellen about the incoming letter. During this week, I wrote several letters to Ellen. In my mind's eye, I was using Ellen as a filter- I could have written Miranda directly, but since Miranda had removed me from her friend list, I was afraid of upsetting her. At one point, Ellen blocked me from emailing her. I felt that I was supposed to act in faith that Miranda still wanted to be with me. I ordered three dozen roses, to the tune of 161 dollars (after 10% discount). Knowing I had no money to pay for this, I borrowed from my next paycheck all the money needed to pay for the flowers. While I was at Miranda's house delivering the flowers- which was very hard, by the way- Miranda asked me why I didn't honor her set boundry. I was confused by this question, because I thought I had explained it in an email I sent. Either she didn't get the email, or I didn't explain very well. I answered, "I misunderstood you," which to me later meant to be ironic, since I've felt very misunderstood by her, for reasons I can't at this moment recall.

At this point things really get... interesting. Since Miranda asked me such a strange question, I became convinced my written letter to Miranda was intercepted by Ellen for foul purposes instead of good ones. I had told Ellen about the letter hoping she would help Miranda understand where I was coming from, or perhaps intercept it if she thought the letter was going to make things worse. My thinking here was that Miranda should know, between the letter and the emails, that I was upset, and that was definitely the reason why I ignored her set boundry. You could say... I badly overreacted. Anyhow, since I was still a bit upset at Miranda but now really upset with Ellen, I got the idea of doing something like what God did with Moses and Aaron- that I would be "God," this other guy, Jed, would be my prophet, and Miranda would be my people. I would pseudo date and pseudo marry Ellen, and send messages to Miranda through Jed. Yes, I know this thinking is nuts- but the handwritten letter is perfectly written such that it fits within this reality. Isn't that something? That is the first parable. While I'm sure that my thinking was off throughout, somehow it all fits together in this alternate reality.

Second Parable-

God led me on a trip to the coast, then to Salem, then all over the Portland area, then Salem, then home. I must explain in more details, though for you to get the significance of this trip. The first place I stopped at, was the Dairy Queen in Toledo. From there, I walked down a street in the direction of Toledo. I came to a side street that went up a hill. I took the side street, walked up the hill, and back down it. Then, I walked back to my car. From there I drove to Newport, then north to Devil's Punch Bowl. I went for a walk on the beach, and I crossed some streams that were headed to the ocean. God told me to walk on the water of the stream. The first time I refused. The second time (and this case, the water was only half an inch deep) I was willing. I don't know if I succeeded or not- the water was too shallow to tell. My feet didn't get soaked though. After this, I had a few more adventures, including meeting a few people that I think know Miranda, and then I drove to Salem. I thought I was going to meet Miranda in a Chilis, that God had told her to meet me there at 6 PM in Salem. Truth be told, all I knew was I was supposed to go to a Chilis in Salem at 6 PM. I went to Salem, got directions. It turns out there is now no Chilis in Salem. From there I drove all over Portland in Spirit-led driving, trying to find the Chilis- or the place God wanted me to be. Whichever. I waited at multiple restaurants a sum total of about 45 minutes. My driving time, however was extreme- I didn't get home until around 11 PM. Now for the point- I wrote in a blog entry later for Miranda to listen to "Love Song" by Third Day. When I wrote this, it was being led by the Spirit- I had no idea what it meant. However, let's consider the lyrics of the song:

I've heard it said that a man would climb a mountain
Just to be with the one he loves
How many times has he broken that promise
It has never been done.
I've never climbed the highest mountain
But I walked the hill of calvary
Chorus:Just to be with you, I'd do anything
There's no price I would not pay
Just to be with you, I'd give anything
I would give my life away.
I've heard it said that a man would swim the ocean
Just to be with the one he loves
How may times has he broken that promise
It can never be done
I've never swam the deepest ocean
But I walked upon the raging sea
Repeat chorus
(Bridge)I know that you don't understand
the fullness of My love
How I died upon the cross for your sins
And I know that you don't realize
how much that I gave you
But I promise, I would do it all again.
Just to be with you, I've done everything
There's no price I did not pay
Just to be with you, I gave everything
Yes, I gave my life away.

Now, by this point I had basically acted out much of the song. I walked a hill. I walked on water. To be with Miranda, I drove through Salem and all over Portland- which is to say, I would do anything. To be with Miranda, I gave everything- I gave every cent of my bank account, and then I gave the same amount for the flowers from what I was planning to live on in the next pay period. This all before I even realized what I was doing or had any idea that there was rhyme and reason for what I was doing. Now I hope you can see where my stubborn refusal to believe that what is guiding me isn't God. There was just too much behind-the-scenes intelligence driving my behavior. Miranda, if you are reading this, I hope this explains a thing or two that you didn't understand, about why I did what I did. To everyone else- I hope this explains why I'm unyielding to any attempt to convince me that God is not involved in this.

Sincerely,
Sean Douglas Zlatnik

Fearless

This season may be my most difficult yet. I've thought of previous seasons as being seasons of great difficulty. Only now do I see I was only in the frying pan, and only now I'm in the fire. Everyone in my life thinks I'm deceived. My prayers for others get answered, but at what cost! The good news, is that I've held on to my hope. I see that God is fashioning a deep character in me through this season, and though I'm at my wits end and I don't see why this has happened, I do see that I am loved. God has been terribly unpredictable to me, which is to say that I've tasted unpredictability and I don't like it. However, I see now that I'm capable of a great deal of ministry in a very short period of time. I also see what genuine love looks like. I've faced many fears and found that I am not subject to them any more. I'm not afraid anymore. I know what perfect love is, and I am now free to be fearless, except of my lord and master, Jesus.

It is funny that people are upset over what I've done, thinking my motives to be selfish. Yet only I know just how tough all my assignments were. None of them were easy. One time of being screamed at, and I lived in fear of being screamed at once more. I still can't believe I had the guts to not be subject to that fear anymore. That was so hard! I took the risk of being verbally destroyed once more, over and over again. For me, that was terrifying. And yet, I know now that even my greatest fears can be overcome by the strength God gives. I'm not afraid anymore.

Regardless of what you all think, I know I'm not a coward. Even if the only thing I accomplished in this was this very thing, I consider this a success. That is all I have to say.

Your friend,
Sean

Where I Am Now

This season has been exceptionally difficult. At the moment, I'm trying to piece together what has happened to me, and I'm finding it difficult to make sense of it. It is funny, because on one hand, I'm very confident I've been obedient, while on the other hand, I'm a bit embarrassed about some of the decisions I've made. It is a weird combination.

I realize most of my posts have been teaching posts. Still, this is my primary blog, and I felt I should choose this venue for discussing my feelings about what has happened. I would say the best word to describe how I've been would be to say I was on tilt for God. I'm confident that I was being as obedient as possible, and I'm fairly convinced in the long run that I will be vindicated as being totally obedient. Nevertheless, I look at what I've done with a sense of embarrassment, and I surely hope to never have another season like this most recent one ever again.

Lots of questions hang over me as I try to make heads or tails out of what has happened. It is a weird season, but I think the worst is over.

Sincerely,
Sean

Siblings

Hi!

There is a grave misconception about the nature of cross-gender relations within the body of Christ. Somehow, we have it in our minds, that two people who are of opposite sexes could not live in the same house or spend time together or anything like this without being romantically involved or sexually involved. This is sad.

Do you know how much ministry is lost in the body of Christ because we make decisions based on the fear of our actions being misconstrued, rather than out of love? What if we could treat everyone in the body of Christ like brothers and sisters? Then we could go anywhere, and do almost anything. I say "almost," because obviously sexual intercourse is out of bounds. Obviously, nudity is inappropriate. You wouldn't be naked in the presense of an opposite-gender sibling, would you? Certainly not! Yet, most people wouldn't hesitate spending a night alone with a beloved opposite-gender sibling. Am I right or am I right? I would often have my sisters over for dinner. I'd cook for them, and we would play games together. We had a ball! Once I went on a walk with one of my sisters, and we held hands. We hug often, and I kiss them on the cheek. All of this is appropriate sibling behavior. Why can't we treat siblings in Christ the same way? Why do fear and perceived sexual temptation get in the way of having genuine relationships? We are all bound up inside, and we must be loosed of our fear. For me, this is a great tragedy of the body of Christ- we are more concerned about appearances and the risks of being misunderstood, than we are in developing real relationships with our brothers and sisters in the body. Christ called us to love everyone deeply. Romantic love is a whole other level beyond that for sure. We just have to understand the difference, and have a firm understanding what family love is versus what romantic love is. I think two people can live together, eat together, and even share a bedroom together, and not ever engage in sin. We only think this doesn't work, because we haven't been delivered from fear, doubt, depression, sexual lust, etc. We choose to live in bondage, rather than in freedom. Freedom has no fear. Freedom looks out for the other, rather than trying to get what it wants for itself. We misunderstand the nature of freedom, and shackle ourselves with unnecessary rules, that keep us from understanding the true nature of love. If two people love each other well relative to the existing relationship, there are very few situations that must be avoided entirely. Otherwise, the life of love is a beautiful thing. We need to get off the sidelines, and get in the game.


Sincerely,
Sean

Marriage is about Commitment, Not about a Document or a Ceremony

What I’m about to say could easily be misconstrued as a license for sin. However, if you get what I’m saying, you will realize that the opposite is true- more people are living in sin under the license of “marriage” than you think.

You see, Jesus said we should let our yes be yes and our no be no. What this means is, that we are freely giving ourselves truly, and are not holding our end of the bargain for legal reasons. For example, there are people who marry fast over lust and not for both love and commitment. These people are trying to do contractually what really needed to be done through the heart. They don’t get it. They don’t understand that love was never about a document you signed or anything else. Love has always been about commitment. It will always be about commitment, too.

Let us put it this way. Let us say that you are involved with the mobster’s daughter. You are married to her, in whatever way you want to define it. You are truly committed to her if you can be obedient in the following situation. The mob boss finds out you are involved with his daughter. He brings over innumerable guns, and over and over again he puts a gun to your head and asks you to break it off. Each time, you say no, he pulls the trigger. Nothing happens. Finally he shows you that all those guns were empty- no bullets in any of the chambers in any of the countless guns he’s used so far. He pulls out one more gun. This time, he shows you the inside of the gun- each chamber has a bullet in it. He puts the gun to your head. “Now I’m going to ask you one more time. Are you in or out of this relationship?” If you would still not back down, you are committed.

See? This is what commitment is. It is the “Come hell or high water, I’m going to be with you” kind of commitment. When Jesus said that people could get a divorce in the case of adultery, he said that for the same reason Moses permitted divorce- because the people were not ready for his kind of agape love. He let them off the hook, because he loved them. The truth is, if divorce is an option, perhaps you weren’t married in the first place, and you’ve been living in sin all this time. On the other hand, there are some couples who never had a marriage ceremony, but they are married in the eyes of God. That is because there is no manipulation involved- their marriage is based on trust and commitment, not selfishness and greed. Love does not use another to meet its own needs. Love trusts. Love perseveres. Love isn’t afraid of abuse, but completely surrenders. Don’t get me wrong- both parties have to have this level of commitment, not just one of them. However, if both parties are totally, 100% committed, there is no sin to have sex without some kind of ceremony. The ceremony is a celebration, not some kind of institutional sex Christmas or something. We have to get what marriage is and isn’t, stop judging by mere appearances and look at the heart.

I know this word is very intense. Please think about it thoroughly before judging it- I feel confident before God I’m right. Look at this, and you will see Jesus in this.

Your friend,
Sean

Love Casts Out Fear

I realize now that I have found the greatest issue in the body of Christ. That issue is singular- the issue of fear. Sadly, so many opportunities to minister to others are lost because of this very simple issue. We're afraid that God won't provide for us. We're afraid people will misunderstand us. We're afraid people will take advantage of us. We're just plain afraid, and it is tragic.

I believe that basically almost all fear, if not fear in its whole entirety, is bad. The God we serve wants and desires that we actually trust him. This trust comes in many forms. We can trust God that he'll provide for our finances. We can trust God with our reputation. We can trust him with the aftermath of misunderstood kindness. God can be trusted. He can be trusted for miracles, if only we'd offer to pray for people. He can be trusted for prophetic words. Daddy, as I call God, longs that we trust him completely. Yet we very often hang out on the sidelines, letting fear keep us out of the game. God wants us in the game! Begin to believe that God is big enough to care for you. Currently, I know someone who Daddy revealed to me has basically stripped themselves of a piece of their identity, for the purpose of reaching the lost. By doing so, this person has largely alienated themselves from the Christian community. I only know about it by divine revelation- and I could be wrong- but I'm fairly certain I'm correct in this conclusion. The purpose of this, is to reach people who could not be reached any other way. I'm telling you now this is what love is. Love sacrifices. Love trusts. Love is not self seeking or keeps record of wrongs. In the church, we talk about love, but love was never meant to live in theory. It must be practiced. True love very often involves taking risks. Sometimes those risks blow up in our faces. Nevertheless, without living out the gospel, we will never truly see what Daddy is really like. We will never know what it is like for someone who had been a hater of Christians to call you a friend. We will never see people beset with tragedy who turned from Christ return to Christ. There is so much that we miss out on because we believe the lies of the enemy more than the love of our God!

Please- stop living in fear. You can't control how others respond to your kindness. You can't control the future. You are not your provider; Daddy is. If we are going to love well, we must first let go of these sorts of assumptions. We are not guaranteed even another minute here on earth, yet we act as though we can prevent our very death. Very often, what passes for responsibility is just fear masquerading as love. We must learn to be led by the Spirit, and the Spirit leads us into the life of love. Please choose to believe your Daddy in heaven has your best interests at heart and has the strength to care for you, and that love is a choice that is always worthwhile. People are dying all around us, if only we weren't so afraid for ourselves that we would help them and each other...

Do Not Let Your Left Hand Know What Your Right Hand Is Doing

I want to talk about something that I'm learning right now, something that for me is intensely difficult. I want speak of letting go completely of one's reputation.

As I'm writing this, I'm discovering the desire to explain one's actions or to be too forthright in an explanation can give everything away. Even as I'm writing this, I can think of examples I want to use that would make myself look cool, and I know I can't use them because people I know will read this, and I have my heart set on nobody knowing. What ministry I'm doing is rarely anyone's business but my own. How long I spent interceding for others last night is no one's business but God's. The desire to explain my actions knaws at me at times, because I deeply desire not to be misunderstood. Even my friends at times misunderstand my actions, because they don't know my heart. This is the ruthless test of my soul- am I okay being misunderstood? Am I okay if people don't get it? If I show the extent of my love, and people assume evil motives, do I have the internal strength to trust God to defend me, and let him take care of it? This need to be understood comes from the devil, because deep down we're afraid (or at least I'm afraid...) that we must protect ourselves from others' misconceptions. For me, this all compounded by the fact that I am mentally wired such that I don't think like everyone else, which gets me into trouble more often than not. Regardless, though, I'm determined to let go of my need to defend my actions, because I know that this is not the kingdom way.

I hope that the reader takes to heart not only this idea that Daddy will in the end take care of you, but also in the end, vindicate you. My prayer for my audience is that we would all learn how to ruthlessly trust Daddy, as he has promised to always care for us. After all, the great reward for surrendering our reputation is treasure in heaven, which is the only treasure truly worthwhile!

They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Lobbying and Legislative Efforts

To some degree, this is a continuation of the previous post, but I think it deserves a post of its own. Somehow, the church has exchanged its role as prophet for attempting to use political power to legislate changes that only love can accomplish.

Honestly I'm fit to be tied about this. Where does the church get off judging the world for sin where there is no tangible signs of love? You who vote pro-life, do you love teenage girls? You who hate drug abuse, do you love drug addicts? You who hate gay marraige, do you love homosexuals? What on earth is going on here? How did we get this way? Where is the love?

I'm sorry, but this personally offends me. The church, when seen as a legislative force instead of a grace force, comes off as a bunch of control freaks, trying to impose their own morality on others instead of a force of lovingkindness, showing the nature of God for what it is. How did we get this way? How did we buy into the lie that the will of God was to be accomplished primarily through political means? I don't know how this happened, but I pray that you, the reader, would choose love. Choose to care about people more than just trying to control them. Ultimately, only the love of Christ can affect the change in our society that needs to happen. The world needs to see that we love them, and that ultimately the only way that the changes we see that need to happen are going to happen. They know we are Christians by our love, not by our lobbying efforts.

The Land of Responsibility Versus a Culture of Victimhood

I see a great tragedy taking place within the faith today. In essence, the church is coming to believe a great lie of the enemy, that somehow outside circumstances and other's decisions are the problem, both on a personal and on a corporate level. Let me explain what I mean.

Let us say that you have problem with how you use the Internet. Say you use the Internet for sexual uses that falls outside of what God asks of us. Some say the problem is that the Internet is unfiltered or unregulated like television is regulated. This thinking states that we are sexual creatures who just can't help ourselves. This is wrong! As believers, we are called to a place of supernatural strength, such that we love God to the point of honoring him in all our ways. How is it then that the Internet is responsible for your sin? No, the Internet reveals what is in your heart. I understand that software like Covenant Eyes is a good idea, and for a season it may be the best starting point for rebuilding the walls between us and sin. Nevertheless, God never intended that we would let software assume the responsibility for us living right before God! Who you are when you are alone on the Internet with no one monitoring or filtering your behavior and no apparent immediate consequences for your decisions is who you really are and where you are really at. Blaming the Internet or the government or anyone else for your choice to engage in behaviors that fall outside of your faith is just a scapegoat.

On a larger scale, much of what is called the Religious Right has convinced us that laws are what are needed to keep the country from sin, such as abortion. Never has a more victim-oriented claim ever been made! If anything, it is the role of the church to love this country, to meet the needs of expectant mothers so that abortion isn't the apparent best option. If we take responsibility for this issue by ministering to the poor and oppressed, reaching out to families and helping to mentor the world in a way that reveals what love looks like, no abortion law would ever be needed. You cannot regulate or law-enforce the human heart in a way that works. We are not victims of the Supreme Court or Hollywood. The problems we see in the culture are evidence that we have stopped being salt and light, deciding instead to be victims, blaming others for our own issues. If we as the body of Christ would step up and love the people of the world the way Christ did, many of the issues that concern the church would go away for good or become substantially less significant.

In short, God has asked that we would be his bride. There may be seasons where we must distance ourselves to some degree from the temptations we face, but this should not replace us deciding to grow into the maturity that God demands of us. We must not blame the culture or the devil for our decisions- what we choose is the barometer of where we are at, and although there may be bondage that needs repentance and deliverance from, that is no excuse for sinning where you are now. The first step is acknowledging that both corporately and individually, we as God's bride are responsible for what is wrong in ourselves and in the world. Don't blame the world for sin- the world is a mirror of how well the church is salt and light. Let us pursue God with abandon and not excuse our sin but be liberated from it!

The Question That Demands An Answer

There is a question that haunts humanity. It is a question that has been asked for centuries. It is the question the Prechristians in your life want an answer to. And the truth is, every decision you make, every word you say, every step you take, is an answer to this question. What is the question, you ask? Who is God, and what is God like. There is a corallary question also- is God good?

Yes, my friend, every act you do and everything you say testifies something about the nature of God. What does your life say about the nature of God? Is your life testifying that God is good? If your life doesn't testify about God's goodness, why do you believe that is? My conviction is that your experiences with God, how you think about how God has acted towards you, is going to directly translate into the life you lead. If there are struggles in your life that seem to be holding you down, you should ask the question if you really truly believe that God has your best interests at heart. That is what sin conveys to the world- sin conveys to the world that we do not believe that God has our best interests at heart. We sin because deep down we do not believe that God loves us and cares for us. I am here to tell you that God is good. The rumors of God's goodness, of his joy, that his love covers us and that he always has our best interests at heart, are true. I can say without blushing that God has been watching over me for my whole life. Yes, my life has been tough. There are seasons I've had of extreme difficulty, and I have my regrets. Nevertheless, I can look back on the past and see how God has been good to me, and how God has used the bad to form his goodness in me. I also know that I've heard God (or Daddy as I like to call him) speak to me so tenderly. The God I know and love has been especially tender to me. He is so patient with me; he is so full of joy. I've never known someone who loves so unconditionally.

You are invited today to partake in God's goodness. You are invited today to believe what some think is unbelievable- that God is joyous, gracious, and forgiving. That God is someone you would want to spend time with is unfathamable to the unbelieving heart, but my hope is it is not impossible for you to think. You are invited today to a life filled with joy and sorrow, a life of difficulty and fullness. No, what God asks of us at times is difficult, but God makes it easy with his love. For his yoke is easy and his burden is light, so shall be our relationship with God if we truly let God in. I'm telling you God is good and worth getting to know. He is asking that you would let him come close to you, that you may receive his love in a new way. Won't you let him come close?

Developing A Vision For Your Life

Hi!

In our relationship with God, the truth is that God has a plan for you and me. While you may know that, do you have any idea what it is or how you are going to follow it? I think there is a dirth in the church as far as personal vision. We aren't believing anything about who we are called to be, which hinders our growth and keeps us from following God's plan for our lives. I am of the opinion everyone needs a significant vision for their life, which makes following God's plan possible. Everyone needs a vision they can call their own, and this entry is about developing a vision that is connected to the destiny that God has for your life.

The first step in this process is to be spending time with the source of the vision, God. Without being in his presense on a daily basis, any vision you might come up with is likely to be more your vision than God's. You need God's picture of who you are going to be, not something you entirely cooked up yourself, and spending time with God will help bring clarity about what is from God and what isn't.

The second step is to do a thorough evaluation of where you are at, and what God is working on in your life right now. Examples of what God might be teaching you is how to manage your finances, how to build meaningful friendships, learning to hear God's voice better, etc. Knowing what God is working on in your life is critical to getting a glimpse of what God is doing.

The third step is to envision what your life might look like when you have grown in the area that God is grooming you in to the point where it is fruitful. What would your life look like? What would success in this area mean? Would it mean you could give more, financially or otherwise? Would it mean a shift in priorities, such as an increase in time spent in ministry? By seeing what the end result is, you can get a picture of what God is trying to accomplish, thus giving you some vision as to what you are called to.

By iterating through steps one, two, and three you will begin to see a picture. Who is that person you are seeing? What are his or her new priorities? How do they spend their time? Who are their friends? You see, that is what vision is- it is seeing who you are becoming. By developing this vision, you can cultivate in yourself now the willingness to do what it takes to become this person. Most of the real work will be done in your time with God and in the promises you make to yourself that are appropriate for where you are and are promises you can reasonably expect to keep. Keeping the promises should come from the love of yourself you've cultivated in your time with God. As you follow the vision you have, you should keep updating your vision. As you are moving forward, God will give you new pieces of what he is doing and where you are going.

The important thing in this is to keep drawing near to God. Without a certain degree of intimacy with the Father, this process I've described above can easily turn into works, and you must consistently fight for living in relationship with God and not living for the vision or living to try and impress God. My hope is that finding this vision for your life will help you see that God has a calling on your life, and it is a calling that will give meaning and purpose, one that will lead you to experiencing the fullness of relationship with God. Trust me, God has saved the best for this season and the seasons to come- if you will trust him and draw near, I think you will like who you are going to be and discover that life with God is way better than anything you had planned for yourself. Now go out there and develop that vision, and seize God's best for your life!

If You Have A Problem, God Has A Plan

Hello!

I realize that in some sense the topic for this entry is pretty obvious. However, I find that this is not how I respond to problems; I tend to try to solve them on my own, and I'm guessing I'm not the only one. I promise there will be some meat to this particular post, so hang on!

The truth is, we get awed by the size of the problems we come into more than we pray about them. The natural response to a problem is to find a solution that we can think up. Honestly, our own thoughts will tend to think of the obvious solutions rather than the best or correct solution, and then we get annoyed about the drawbacks to our proposed solution and never act. Sometimes the delays between when we recognize the problem and when we bring it before God can cause damage, so the important thing about this particular epiphany is that you realize that not only does God in general have plans for any general problem, but also that God has a specific plan for this particular problem, and it is up to us to seek God to find what that specific plan is. In doing this, you must realize that he may not give you all the details about how everything is going to work out. Let me give an example- let's say that you hate your job. I mean, you really, really need to find a new job, and soon. Let's say you listen to me and decide to seek God about this specific problem, say by fasting and prayer. You may spend some time thinking about it too; I'm not against thinking about it as part of solving the problem, so long as it isn't the only thing you are doing- often times the praying part will set you up so that when you think about it, it will come to you. What God might give you as far as what to do, may not be exactly what you hope for. He might tell you to move somewhere else. You may not even have a job lined up before you get there, but of course that is what living by faith means- we usually have to trust God with some parts, though which parts are probably dependent on where you are at with God and your faith level. At this point, you have part of the solution. You then need to continue seeking God and possibly also talk to other Godly people about the solution you've come up with. This is all part of living in relationship with God- you have problem, you seek God, God gives you enough of the solution to move on, you move on what you know (after getting confirmation from other Godly people for more significant decisions), and then the cycle starts all over again. This is the life of faith. People who follow through this cycle multiple times get to a place where they have a deep relationship with God.

My hope for you is that you would not be dismayed by whatever problems are in your life. I promise you, if God has allowed a problem to come your way, there is always a solution to deal with it. We may not be enamored with the solution God comes up with, and it may scare us some, but I promise you, if you follow God on the solution, everything will work out. You just have to trust God on this- God is in control, and if you believe in a sovereign God like I do you know that ultimately the outcome is in His hands, and will be for the best. May your faith grow in leaps and bounds as you seek God more and more for the solutions you need for the problems that you are currently facing.

Interdependence

It has been a long time since I have written, but here today I have something good for you who took a shot at seeing what I have written lately. Thanks for stopping in!

I will be honest with you, what I am writing about today I am not an expert at. I am writing about it because I am learning about it, and because I don't think the teachings in Christianity generally give it justice. I think this particular subject could help a lot of people, so here goes....

I think much of what passes for church these days is a far cry from what we were really called to. Christianity is supposed to be about helping one another, and yet we seem to suffer alone more than reach out for help. The truth is plain to me- we need each other. We need to be vulnerable to each other and to God. We need to bond with others in order to survive. Truth is, as human beings we all have pain, although in varying amounts. We all need encouragement. We all need to know that we aren't alone in this struggle that we call life. Without each other, we are doomed to isolation and victims of illusions. Without learning to depend on others and on God, and also allowing ourselves to be depended on by others, we are trapped with little hope of escaping. We were meant to have meaningful interactions and conversations with God and others on a daily basis. Please- I plead with you- allow yourself to be vulnerable with a friend. Next time you feel lousy, instead of reaching for the remote, or the internet, or sex, or whatever your drug of choice is, reach out to God and to others for meeting your needs. Pray, and seek his face. Listen, and see what God is saying. Let someone share your burden. They say no man is an island, so why do we live like we are?

I think the best is yet to come for you. Don't give up on meaningful human and divine interaction. I believe the best for your life is yet to come, but we can't make it alone...

Practical Christianity

I am sitting here, having realized how long it is since I have written, and... I feel the need to write. Honestly I don't know where this is going, so bear with me.

It dawns on me that Christianity is often seen in some theoretical light. Often times one of the casualties is the understanding of what life with God is supposed to be about. This is unfortunate.

What I mean is, we don't understand how God walks with us through are difficulties and quirks with the idea in mind that we might get to know him. This is the point. Our reportcard doesn't say how many lives came to Christ through us, or how sin-free we became, or how much money we gave away. What matters is how well you know the Father, and even more importantly than that, how well the Father knows you. This is the truest barometer of where we stand with God. Anything else is fluff, and largely irrelevant, outside of how much it draws us closer to God or pushes us away from him. This is what relationship with God is all about.

My prayer for you is that you will see that this is the real point of Christianity. We are meant to be utterly candid and transparent before God, we are meant to cease being a human doing and let Christ work through us as a human being. This, my readers, is what God wants most from us, that we cease trying to impress him and get to know him instead.

How We Judge People

I am sure most of my readers have seen the first three Star Wars movies that were made. In those movies Darth Vader was the villain. We tended to loath him, thinking him inhuman- some kind of evil robot or something.

The question I would pose to you- given the prequels, how do you see him now? And how differently would you look at him, if you had known his history when you first watched him?

True, he did a few very nasty things in the third prequel. No doubt he is still a villain. And yet, I think it changes the way we look at him when we realize that he too was once a kid. He was a hero at one point. He was someone else's child. He had, in a sense, a kind of innocence that most kids have. Yet we might never would have thought of that without the prequels.

We should be careful how we look at people. We don't know where they came from or how they got where they are. There are always reasons why people make the decisions they make- even if the reasons aren't necessarily that good, or justification for their actions, they are reasons- and it helps to remember that we have not stepped in their shoes. We don't know how the world looks to them. Grace must be applied liberally, as we all hope to be looked at with the grace-healed eyes of Christ, instead of the judgement of perfection. My hope is that we all learn to love those around us that we don't get, remembering that we are hoping Christ will love us as we are and accept us into his kindom inspite of our not living up to the model set by Christ.

In short, we all need grace-healed eyes. Remember to judge people the way you wish to be judged by Christ...

Your companion in Christ,
Sean

Assumptions

I just had an epiphany. It came as I realized the reason for why I spent so many hours trying to solve a particular problem here at work. The problem, ultimately, was that I made an assumption that I did not question, leading me to hours of unnecessary work.

Assumptions can be very dangerous. Their danger is in the fact that we rarely realize or question the assumptions we are making, which allow us to hopelessly spin our wheels trying to work our way out of a jam that was created, in part, because of one or more assumptions we made that we didn't question. I would argue that a high percentage of issues that go unresolved for awhile are unresolved because of a bad assumption. The question, then, is: How do we catch these assumptions?

I think catching these assumptions begins with realizing that what you are currently doing is not working. This requires a fair amount of humility, because we all like to think that we know what we are doing and that we can solve our problems by ourselves. We assume that perseverence is the answer, when just maybe it isn't. A good set of questions to ask: "How many times have I tried this particular solution? How successful have I been with it?" That might betray a loyalty to a particular solution that might be faulty. Another assumption: this solution worked for someone else, so it should work for you. Remember- there is often more than one way to solve a problem.

Here are some example assumptions that people make.

"You are the solution."

One case where this assumption gets made is when you assume that Christ is going to use you to lead someone else to God. That may be true. However, often times the best thing we can do is just share our testimony, and pray that God will bring other Christians into that persons life that will minister effectively with them. We may not have the approach that best works for that person, or they may not be ready yet. Either way, we need to hear from God what our role is, and how we can best influence them.

"Our role in the solution is small or nonexistent."

I see this assumption in addictions and in all sorts of temptations. Just so you know what it looks like... picture this: you have a song stuck in your head. Let's assume that this song isn't the best song to be bouncing around inside your noggin. What sometimes happens is that we give up trying to get it out of our head. Now it is possible that this is the best thing that can be done- all you doers out there that think you can solve any problem need to know that you aren't the whole solution. But there is another temptation- to believe that we are stuck and will just have to live with the problem until God does all the work for us. This attitude is completely antithetical to the gospel. Christ came to heal us and change us from the inside out, but also with our cooperation. Now that doesn't mean he will in every situation- we do need to ask God what he is doing in the situation in front of us. Never forget, though, that it was perseverence that was rewarded in the bible, and that rather than just giving up or trying the same solution over and over, that maybe a different solution is the answer.

As you can see, attitude is a big part of the solution. If we think that between our ability to hear from God, seek out counsel from people more developed than ourselves, be introspective enough to find and question the assumptions we are making, and seek for a way out, that God will provide the door. We have to believe that our God loves us and that as long as we have an understanding from him that we are to win this fight, we should press on to victory. Remember- very often the reason we struggle is that we made a faulty assumption that is holding us down, so make time often to step backwards and question the assumptions you are making.

Your companion in Christ,
Sean

PS If you email me through the link in "View my complete profile", I will try to send a message to you when I update my blog. It would also be cool to know people are reading it.

God's Timing

Recently I got a picture that relates to God's timing. Hopefully you have seen "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring." There is a scene in it where Gandalf is riding into the Shire on a horse-drawn cart. Frodo runs up and jumps on the cart and tells Gandalf that he's late. Gandalf's response is priceless: "A wizard is never late, nor is he early. He always arrives precisely when he means to." This line has enormous spiritual experience, as God is the same way.

Sometimes we think God is late. We desire God not to stretch us in his timing. And yet it is clear from scripture that God often arrives "precisely when he means to". A few passages to consider in this: when Abraham is waiting for the promised child, when Saul is waiting for Samuel to come and make the sacrifice, and the death of Lazarus. In all three cases people expected something to happen sooner than God planned. We expect God to be on our timetable. Yet here we see that God has his own plan and does things when he desires.

My prayer for us is that we would learn to trust God. Difficult circumstances are designed with this in mind, that we would bloom into mature believers that can really trust God in all things. God wants to make us promises, and have us patiently abide in Christ while he prepares to fulfill the promises made. Hopefully we won't create an Ishmael through unbelief. May your faith and trust in God grow in leaps and bounds in this season.

Your companion in Christ,
Sean

Get What You Need From God

Here is a specific challenge that faces all of us, either through difficult circumstances, unstable emotions, or even boredom with its accompanied temptations. That is- getting what we need from God.

I am all for conferences, bible studies, etc. However, I do think there is a genuine temptation to expect to use these to solve whatever current dryness currently exists in our lives. When it comes down to it, we really need to be self sufficient in our ability to come to God when we need him and get whatever need is there met. Too often we think that meetings and conferences are what we need. Were there conferences in the early church? No. And while they did have meetings, I think they were more for sharing with each other what God has done. Ultimately, God is our source and supplier, not other people. Come to God to meet your needs.

There is a weapon that is not well known outside of charismatic circles for repositioning one's self when the need is great. It is called "praying in the spirit" or "praying in tongues". It works as a form of spiritual exercise, enabling you to hear God better and to be spiritually aligned. If you are able to do this, I highly recommend it when life presses down hard. If you don't have this, it is worth pursuing and will change your life. Other tools include crying out to God, meditation, fasting, and other disciplines as mentioned in Richard Foster's "Celebration of Discipline".

Ultimately, there will be times in our life where there will be great need. My prayer for you the reader is that when trials and tests come you will reach out to God and get your needs met directly from him. People can help, true, and that has its place, but living a disciplined, holy life requires that we are able to get our fix from God when no one is available. It shows real maturity in Christ that we can come to him with our open hands and let him meet our needs.

Your companion in Christ,
Sean

Deliberate Living

Hi!

God is giving me a new challenge, and even though I am still processing it I thought it would bless you to hear about it and be challenged as well. The challenge is to live a directed life, living with a sense of purpose.

As I see it, it is really easy to get sucked into our daily lives with little in the way of purpose directing our overall direction. In general, we are doing good if our daily lives are disciplined and there is some degree of ministry in our lives. The problem with all this is that we will tend to dream small within this framework and not really branch out and follow any real dreams God might have for us.

I'd like to say that I know what dreams God has for me, but truthfully I don't. I could see myself writing for a living, but I sense that for that to succeed, I would need some life experiences to give me a foundation to write from. I really am not sure how to get this foundation correctly. All of this is somewhat foreign to me anyways- up until recently I thought I was going to be programming for a long time. It seems to me that God has other plans for me in the next several years. Now I just need to know where to begin! So I write this post not feeling confident how to move forward, except realizing that change is needed, even while not knowing what change that is.

I think the key for me is praying for a plan. Taking time to think about what God might lead me into is key as well. I might need to fast also- I have found fasting in the past to be an effective weapon to help you hear from God. At least I have a starting place- I want to write about the Christian life and I think I might be gifted enough to succeed. Hopefully you have an idea of what you would like to do with your life.

My prayer for you is that you would begin to look at your life carefully and the goals you set. Are you becoming the person you want to be? Are you impacting the world the way you hoped to? Is your life the way you want it to be? These are questions I am asking myself, and because I don't like the answers I am getting, I am starting to rethink my strategy. Please think on these things as well. God has great things in store for us if only we would reach for them!

Your companion in Christ,
Sean

Life Satisfaction

One challenge that meets me every so often is the challenge of being content with what I have where I am. I see this challenge in particular when someone I know graduates from college with better grades than I got or when I watch someone I know get married. I am sure you have experienced it too.

When it comes down to it though, I can take solace in one truth- every day I get to experience the presense of God. Every day I get to receive his love, as long as I choose to. I am going to be in heaven! You must understand something. In a sense, heaven isn't just for when you die. You were meant to delight yourself in God every day, which in some lesser sense is experiencing heaven right here on earth. When I remember the love God has shown me, and I feel his kindness with me, it brings tears to my eyes. I realize that I have found what is most important in my life, someone who doesn't care how immaculate my grades were in college or critisizing me for still being single. The love of my life really just loves to be with me, and ultimately getting to know this love takes away any envy I might have of others. Why should I envy others when I know the love of God? It would make no sense.

My prayer for you is that your relationship with God would be all you would really need to be satisfied with life. God can be everything you need, and in knowing him you can experience heaven every day. Delight yourself in the Lord every day and discover what it really means to be satisfied!

Your companion in Christ,
Sean

Be God's Friend

On this occasion I am going after the attitude that God is your critic, always wanting more.

You must understand that there is a spiritual reality that says everything we do is to be lived out of relationship. The truth is, God doesn't need our help. If God wanted to, he could either do it himself or send an angel to do it or even send someone else. What God really wants is to get close to us. How close you are to God is the true measuring rod of how successful you really are. You could be doing lots of stuff and calling it ministry and all the time becoming more and more distant from God. It was for this reason that Jesus said "I never knew you" in Matthew 7:23.

When we get close to God, and experience his kindness, it begins to redefine who we are. This redefinition is the work God must do in our hearts in order for us to truly be effective in ministry. Discovery of grace is crucial to spiritual development. Without discovering grace, we will be prone to a works oriented religion and believe God is never satisfied. You need to know grace for yourself, but the way to grace is through admitting your need and weakness before God and others.

Let me put it to you this way. Outside of writing here, there isn't a ton of ministry in my life. I have multiple close friends and I hang out with a teenager once a week who doesn't have a dad and play Netrunner and talk. From a purely quantitative perspective I am not much to speak of. Unfortunately, due to my disabilities, I think this might be my max for the time being. I am doing good to be taking care of myself, and admitting my own weakness has been hard. And yet it is the fact that I have come to grips with grace, really knowing the love of God, that has helped me accept where I am, and let me live at peace with the fact that I probably don't live up to other people's standards about "what I ought to be doing". Please hear me out- grace means that we live out of relationship with God and let him set the expectations for our lives. There are times when I wish I could be more like someone else, who is doing more. I am glad though, that God gave me this weakness or I might not have been so profoundly impacted by grace, so completely transformed by the love of God.

My prayer for you today is that you might discover the depths of the love of God. That you might admit to yourself, to God, and to others your own weakness and come to realize how great the grace of God really is. He really is the kindest person you will ever meet, and he really does accept us for who we are, regardless of faults. Let God's love touch you and change you today!

Your companion in Christ,
Sean

Living the Disciplined Life

Our lives are filled with habits. The challenge is how do we keep good habits and lose bad ones?

I have thought about discipline a fair amount. I am often trying to improve the way my life works and am daily putting in effort to hold on to habits I am trying to acquire. There is always a period of time where certain habits require real work to make them a part of our life. It is during this time period in which most people lose the fight. It requires mental toughness it add a new habit to your life.

I like talking in concrete terms so I will share where I am seeing success and where I need to do some work. I have succeeded in making exercise a fundamental part of my morning routine. The truth is, the way I am wired, I need 45 minutes of aerobic exercise every morning in order for my life to work properly. At this point this habit takes very little mental toughness to keep, as I just do it five days a week without thinking much about it. I am also doing well about spending time in the word every morning and praying as well. These habits seem to be critical to my overall success, so I am glad to have them in place. Hygiene has become a higher priority in the last couple of months, as in brushing my teeth a second time during the day and flossing, as well as adding palmade to my hair to make it look nicer. They still take a little mental toughness- there have been a few occasions where I have had to drag my rear end out of bed to brush my teeth and floss, but I haven't missed days and I am pretty happy about how it is going.

As far as habits that need changing... my work affords me a lot of flexibility as far as when I work, so I struggle getting to work as early as I like. My diet could use to have more fruits and vegetables in it. It would be good if I did more cooking - I admit it, as far as the food I eat, I am little lazy. I do some cooking for breakfast, but it really isn't anything elaborate. I don't eat out too often, which is good, but still my diet could use some work. It would be nice if I made a habit out of cleaning out the interior of my car. Yes, I am going to try and change these things over the months and years to come.

The number one secret to making change is to do it slowly. You can try to change it all at once, but once your emotional fervor dies down you probably won't have the capacity to hold on to it. Pick the most critical habit for your success overall and go after it. The key here is consistency. You need to retrain yourself so that doing whatever this habit requires every day becomes standard procedure. If it was reading your bible in the morning, just read for 15 minutes to start with. Don't try to read for a really long time at the beginning; you don't want to set the bar so high that it disuades you from following through the next day. A little bit of patience goes a long way- don't expect to get amazing results right off the bat.

My prayer for you is that you will put the effort in to add new disciplines into your life. Good habits go far toward helping you sustain success when it comes. And the habits you have will dictate the character that is in you. If you are single, you will bring joy to your life through good habits and it will help you attract a mate. If you are married, upgrading your habits will help sustain your marriage and make your mate more content that they chose you. You might even like looking in the mirror more, enjoying who you are becoming. I pray that you will agree with me that the disciplined life is the way to live!

Your companion in Christ,
Sean

Perspective

I think a great challenge in life is to keep perspective. The problem with perspective is that it is internal- it is hard to tell when we've lost it and have got sucked into some problem or circumstance in our life that has wrecked our perspective. It often takes an outside source to point out to us that we've lost perspective.

The beauty of perspective is that it allows us to relax. The truth is we should live in a restful state with God that keeps life in a right perspective, even when difficulties do come. We should be able to enjoy life, realizing that our true treasure is in heaven and everything good that happens to us on this earth is just icing. Or maybe it is less than icing- maybe it is just the frosted writing on the cake that says "I love you" from God. Regardless we should remember that heaven is our home and that God loves us passionately. We can just allow God to work through our lives and let go of any desires that aren't necessary for our calling.

My prayer for you today is that you would give a quick glance at the way you are looking at life and ask "Have I lost perspective? Am I living in a restful state? Are the fruit of the spirit evident in how I am conducting myself, or is it some other kind of fruit? If it is some other kind of fruit, why is my perspective out of whack or lost?" Please take some time and think about this. You never know what might come to the surface. Regain your perspective today!

Your companion in Christ,
Sean

How to Build Closer Friendships

For some reason I seem to have a knack for building close friendships. For whatever reason, I think I am generally the exception- at least as far as men are concerned, I can't speak for women. If you would like to build deeper friendships, I might be able to help.

There is a skill involved that I am not sure I can give complete justice to. I think it is the timely ability to share personal information as the relationship deepens. I think this means it is okay, at least between people of the same gender, to admit struggles that are common to that gender relatively early on in the friendship, probably in a general fashion. This amount of transparency gets the ball rolling and allows for deeper discussions later on.

As I talked about in my friendship wisdom post, it also makes sense to be selective about who you make friends with. Some people aren't very good at sharing who they are, where they came from, etc. And some people will always be that way. A good way to see where a person is at is to experiment talking about something closer to the surface, like politics or theology, something where a personal opinion is required and there is some risk of disagreement. If they can handle this, then there is hope. If not, then there is reason to believe this person might find it quite difficult sharing anything really personal. I wouldn't try too hard making it work if after hanging out several times all you can talk about is sports or a common hobby.

I can't stress enough the value of listening. It is something that we don't realize how much it is worth until we begin to wonder why people don't really enjoy hanging out with us. Learning how to be a good listener is really governed by motivation. When I realized that listening was the only way I can learn anything new, that was a big help for me to stop thinking about what I want to say next and just pay attention to what they are saying now. If you want deeper relationships, listening will be instrumental in your success.

I think one skill that has been very helpful to me is the ability to ask good questions. When you ask about their week, ask "What happened this week? Did anything new happen? Why was it a good week?" Any question that requires more than a one word answer will help. Even talking about our lives and how things are really going in something more specific than "fine" is progress towards getting to know each other. The goal is to get the other person to share about themselves whatever they feel comfortable sharing so that the bonding process is moving on.

I wish you all blessings as you go try to build deeper friendships. If anyone out there has some thoughts on this, please post in the comments as I would love to hear other people's thoughts on this one. Maybe my repertoire could be expanded! I would love to get even better at building good friendships, and I hope you feel the same way.

Your companion in Christ,
Sean

Being Filled With the Love of God

I must confess, there is something I have a passion about. Don't be surprised if you see more posts along the lines of the topic of this post.

I know the reason why we struggle. Oh, we may not be disciplined. We may not be spending the time necessary with God, or whatever. When it comes down to it, though, ultimately you will only really have success in the Christian life as much as you believe and have received the love of God.

I am not talking about whether or not you believe God is loving. People the world over believe that, in some kind of theoretical way. I am saying you need to live off of it. You need to experience it. You need to be transformed by it. When it comes down to it, what we do is based on what we really believe. If you believe that God is your critic you will always be trying to impress him by doing more, which really doesn't impress him at all. If you believe he is distant you will always wonder what he's thinking and will be trying to get his attention. If your life isn't deeply rooted in the love of God, your life is likely to go one of two directions: you will either fall to some kind of addiction, depression, etc. or you will become increasingly religious with little tolerance for the weakness in others. Either way you are on dangerous turf.

Having got your attention, I have thought long and hard about how best to convey God's love to you so that you can experience it for yourself. You see, I am talking about the ultimate lover. This is a person who can turn someone who is as wounded as I was and make him into something of a minister. In order for you to believe that my life is something of a miracle, I need to tell you a little about my history. You see, when I was growing up I was serially abused by my peers in school. I learned to hide behind my intellect and my pride. More than anything in the world, I hurt. Badly hurt. And then in came this wonderful man Jesus. There hasn't been anyone in my life like him! He is just so gentle. No matter where I was, whether I was angry or crazy he has always been there. He is just so patient. At last I met someone who accepted me at face value, who loved me with my ideosyncracies, who just enjoyed hanging out. The truth is, he is the love of my life. Through him I received a ton of healing and that has helped me become a much better friend to my friends. Through his love I have matured tremendously.

The truth is, you have to experience it for yourself. You need to hear his voice on your own. A good book to read is "Dialog with God" by Mark Virkler. It will teach you the fundamentals. It is possible I may decide to reread that book and do some posts on hearing God's voice- if you are interested in this, send me an email and that will show me it is worth the effort of rereading it. If there is anything I can impress upon you, it's that knowing God intimately, hearing his voice, and knowing his love is absolutely critical for you to do what you are called to do. Don't live another day without it!

Your companion in Christ,
Sean

Think about it...

I want to challenge you, the reader, to think more.

You see, there is an epidemic in the church today. It is called "Dogmatism". It is the art of taking other people's thoughts and calling them your own. This kind of thinking isn't thinking at all- it is thought avoidance. The truth is, people are lazy. Maybe you aren't, and maybe I am not, but there are plenty of people out there who believe what they believe because it is popular, or because someone they admire thinks that way, but not because they came to the conclusion themselves. This sort of cop out from genuinely testing information to see if it holds up under scrutiny is for those who don't really want to invest the time and energy to come to unique conclusions. After all, if you think something different than your friends, you might become an outcast, or who knows? Your simplistic view of life might be disturbed.

You wonder what the harm is, in believing something for some other reason besides being firmly convinced through research and thorough thinking about it and finding it is true. There are several issues at hand. First of all, you won't be able to relate at all to people who spend lots of time thinking. True thinkers hate dogmatism; it is really an escape from reality. Another consequence is the inability to see things from other people's perspective. Dogmatism tends to trap the person being dogmatic, so that they can only see one point of view. This will deeply hinder a person's ability when relating to someone with a significantly different viewpoint.

The truth is, we live in a very complex world. Dogmatic people, I think, ultimately are trying to evade this simple truth. They want to believe the earth is only 6,000 years old because that keeps everything within reach, understandable. The truth is often too complex to be fully understood, and rather than face the ambiguity they want to keep it simple enough a child could understand. This is wrong. And you should care enough about what you choose to believe to put the time and energy into considering various viewpoints on topics too complex to understand at first glance. Please do us all a favor and really think about what you believe.

Your companion in Christ,
Sean

Joy

Joy can be an elusive fruit of the Spirit. If you are not experiencing joy, then it might be a good exercise to see if you can find out why.

Now when I say joy, I don't necessarily mean that you are in a great mood or that you are happy. Even in difficult emotional struggles, if your relationship with God is in a good place joy can be there too. While it is true that not every reason for not having joy is necessarily bad, I would say that at least 75% of the time, if you aren't experiencing joy it is either because there is sin, or you did not get what you needed from God in your time with him. Joy is generally a sign, therefore, that there is peace between you and God and that you are have received the love you need from God on that day.

Not having joy is a signpost, a warning. Please take it seriously. If you live seperated from the joy that comes from God long enough, you may try to fill this need some other fashion- either through overdoing your hobbies, placing extra unnecessary expectations on friends and the people you live with, or giving in to addictions. All kinds of sin are readily available to the one who isn't filled with God, and what you might consider an unlikely temptation now might easily beguile you in an unexpected attempt on your part to meet unmet emotional needs. And just because the sin you choose is socially acceptable doesn't mean you will get off scot free with God...

May your life be filled with the joy that comes with surrendering to God and living in the presense of his love. If you have some sin in between you and God, please take care of it now. It will take time to get your joy back, and you owe it to yourself to get your joy back.

Your companion in Christ,
Sean

The Normal Christian Life

Have you ever wondered what the normal Christian life is like? That is the subject of one of my dreams. Not all my dreams are so spiritual- last night I dreamed that my father was teaching me how to rob banks- and no, my dad doesn't really know how to rob a bank. :-P Where that came from, your guess is as good as mine. Anyways, I woke up thinking about the normal Christian life. What is the normal Christian life? How hard is it supposed to be? What exactly would my life look like if it was normal, based on what God defines as normal?

I think my blog so far in many ways is an attempt to show what should actually be normal. It should be normal that we would be placed in positions where God had to follow through or we would be in trouble. It should be normal for a person to be building their relationship with God every single day, without ever taking a day off. These things should be normal. Spiritual gifting should be normal. I should even be excited about how God might use me on any given day. Maybe I'm off on this, but I'd like to think that every day we could have at least small adventures, where we could discover new facets of God. Although, I am also convinced there is definitely a place for discovering that our emotions don't have to be titillated and we don't have to "feel great" all the time in order for things to be going right in our life. There are seasons where we just need to follow God inspite of not having all the emotions there to help us do what we are called to do. Can the two of these things mesh together and both be true? I am not sure, though in some respects they are two different things and not necessarily mutually exclusive.

I also have another question. Could my life be just a little bit boring in part because I am not allowing myself to be in faith-challenging circumstances? Places where there is real need. I'm not saying there is no ministry in my life, that is not true. The truth is that I am doing very well with what God has given me, and I am always trying to improve. But maybe you, and definitely I am little bit bored because there isn't enough ministry in our lives. I'll have to think about how to fill that gap... and maybe you should too, if that is where you are. It is nice to make a difference in someone's life...

Your companion in Christ,
Sean

One day at a time...

I am having the dawning realization that success in the Christian life requires daily work. You know, I have heard plenty of sermons about reading my Bible every day and praying every day and although the fruit of this message might involve that, this message is not about that directly. It is about this- the idea that we can take even a single day for granted, or let up even for a moment.

The truth is our enemy is always at work. Our enemy, the devil, doesn't take days off. It's almost as if we think he does- like we can fool around with an undisciplined attitude because we don't feel like taking our relationship with Christ seriously on some given day. I am telling you- if you want to succeed, you are going to have to fight on your hands and knees every day to have it. If you slack off, our enemy will shred you to pieces at an unexpected moment, like a farmer waiting for a pig to get fat before the slaughter the enemy will wait for just the right time to destroy you. Beware- the Christian life is fraught with peril. It is a daily fight that does not ever really let up. It seems to me the reason why the church has so many problems is simply because we let down our guard on some days, not walking with God every day, not seeking the grace we need to live sin free every single day of our lives. If you want to see victory in your life, you need a persevering perspective of taking each day by the horns and not letting up until you are completely asleep... then wake up the next morning and start all over. Don't be caught asking God for longterm success- that can be just another way to dodge the responsibility of following God today. Daily grace is needed to win this fight...

Your companion in Christ,
Sean

Handling Frustration

I don't know about you, but my work subjects me to a lot of frustration. It seems that there are periods I go through where as soon as I solve one problem, another raises its head- and sometimes these problems take a whole day or more to solve. This frustration, left unchecked, could leave me very vulnerable to impatience with other people, any kind of escapist sin, and all kinds of temptations that otherwise wouldn't have a chance of getting my attention.

I think it is critical to see when we are vulnerable to sin, and to avoid situations that might lead us astray. Maybe when we are most frustrated is the best time to pull ourselves away from our lives, get connected with God, and remember that all this life we are simply visitors here and that are real home is elsewhere. Forgetting this important fact, we might take life a little too seriously, which despite the erroneous perception that to take things serious is to love God, we risk getting entangled in our situation and going astray. This ability to relax, to trust God, and let go of your circumstances and emotional struggles will keep you spiritually healthy, and sane as well. It seems to me that letting God into it gives me perspective, and perspective gives me peace- which we all need.

Hopefully I am not the only person whose work or life frustrating- and when life does get that way, hopefully you'll remember these words and they will bless you and keep you from sin.

Your companion in Christ,
Sean

Wisdom about Friendships

I want to talk about something from an angle that in my opinion doesn't get talked about very much, which is to arm the reader with relational wisdom.

The truth is, who we hang around plays a critical role in who we become. Do not think hanging out with people who don't love God or have a weak or stale relationship with God doesn't have its risks. You see, whenever we hang with someone, that person is in some fashion influencing us, and we them. The question is, how great is our influence with them versus how much an influence they are having in our own life. Do not deceive yourself- just because you are hanging out with an unbeliever does not automatically guarantee that you are leading them to Christ. We must be mature in this- and only let people with a similar or greater degree of maturity in Christ get close enough to us from an influencial perspective to mold our thinking in a positive way instead of away from God.

T.D. Jakes goes so far as to say that we should prune relationships where the other person isn't able to relate to you in terms of who you are becoming. The truth is we need people who can help us accomplish our destinies and often times we make the mistake of allowing people to get close to us for sentimental reasons instead of kingdome advancement reasons. These relationships can entangle us, and can be really hard to shake off- particularly if we have a hard time making new relationships. The key here is timing. Some relationships are so dangerous to our faith that we must do something about them immediately- where we are involved in circles of people who not only have no relationship with God but who are deeply entrenched in the world- these relationships, once recognized as problematic, must be removed quickly as they can entrench a person firmly in the world and quickly undercut and destroy a man's faith. Other relationships aren't nearly as dangerous and these (those that lack a common vision, that can't really help you press ahead in the seasons coming up) just need to be minimized as far as time spent, and allow God to prune it when needed.

Ultimately, as all of this is important, it is critical that you cultivate those relationships that can help you move into the seasons ahead. These are the people who will fight with you, either for a season, or possibly even for a lifetime. Invest in these relationships heavily, as they will make the biggest difference possible in your walk with God. And always keep an eye open for another person who can play this role- you never know where you might find it!

Your companion in Christ,
Sean

Got Vision?

Obviously I am not talking about whether or not those eyes on your head work properly, but what kind of future do you see for yourself? Where are you going? I think the biggest challenge to vision is being able to set aside what we believe can be accomplished on our own. It is hard to see how God steps in and makes a difference. My own weakness has made it very difficult to have vision for my life. I am doing better than just subsisting, but I am not sure I could argue that I am strongly thriving. Since I am not "strongly thriving", it is hard not to be content with the success I have so far and say that maybe it is impossible for something truly great to come out of my life. What scares me is knowing that I may very well be capable of accomplishing some very great things- and my unwillingness to believe it possible makes it impossible.

Here's a good question: what does it take to improve the scope of our vision? I think part of it is investing time thinking about it. There are a couple of things that seem to be recurring for me as far as what I would like to do with my life, though they need to be prayed through to find what God is saying in the midst of this. Part of the problem is in our definition of success. The American definition of success is to make lots of money and be able to do whatever you want, have whatever you want, and live a pain-free life. I am convinced this is very far from God's definition of success. God defines success first and foremost by how close a relationship we keep with Him all the days of our life. So maybe the person who is most successful in God's eyes would never even grab the world's attention- their success has nothing to do with any kind of worldly definition of success. Now who we become is the result of being close to God, and if we really get close to Jesus we realize that servanthood is a really good way to devote ourselves to him.

I do wonder if it might actually be more important for us to build a vision of ourselves based on who we want to become, instead of what we want to do. For who we become is so much more important than what we do- what we do is the raw material by which we are built into what we become. I see myself developing a real servants heart, becoming patient in difficult circumstances, always leaning on God when things get tough. I see myself developing a deep trust in God to the point of being willing to take great leaps of faith simply because I heard from God first and I know the character of the one speaking to me. Now I see what real vision is- hopefully you can see as well as I that who we become is so much more important than what we accomplish.

Your companion in Christ,
Sean

The Life of Faith

In the last few years, my definition of what it means to live by faith has changed. For the longest time I thought this was in regards to salvation- I believed that living by faith meant trusting God that I would be saved, and that this trusting in God would keep me in God's hand and make it so that I would spend eternity with him.

The thing is, a guy named Graham Cooke is challenging this belief. It is not that this belief is inaccurate, just that this belief is inadequate. Living by faith really means being placed in situations where you must actually trust God for your circumstances to work out. An example of this from the bible would be Abram moving to a foreign country purely in obedience to the will of God. He had no guarantees from a purely natural perspective- how would he know that he wouldn't be killed by the land's current inhabitants? All he had was God's word. This way of living, this experiencing the life of faith for ourselves, is what God had in mind. He wants to take us to a place in which in hearing God's voice, we would be willing to get into situations where essentially only God can get us out, so that we might be completely dependent on him. Let me give an example from my own life.

At one point I was forced to move out of this college guys house, for reasons that involve the fact that I was not a college guy. Anyways, I temporarily lived in my parents house while figuring out what to do. I distinctly heard from God that I was to get a two bedroom apartment, and that God would provide the roommate. Doing this would require faith though- a two bedroom apartment is more expensive and I would have great difficulty affording it for any length of time on my own. I did obey God in this situation, and God did indeed come through- within a few weeks I had a roommate, which I have lived with and for the most part, got along well with for the last 6 months. The truth is clear- if anything, God wants to gives us many experiences like this so that we can come to a place where we deeply trust God.

My prayer is that you would come to a place where you trusted God like this. For then you really can perform miracles- the presense of God will be with you in a tangible way as you follow the leading of the spirit. We were born to know God's character, and yet we just give lip service to the idea of really trusting God. I hope we all develop truly mature relationships with the lord of all.

Your companion in Christ,
Sean

The Fight

When it comes down to it, life is a fight. No, life isn't like a fight; it is a fight. Truth is, in all honesty those who have been walking with God long enough know that this fight has its ups and downs. Some rounds we win. Some rounds we get clocked. We all have our moments where we want to throw in the towel- the fight can be too much for us. We may not have anything close to the unbroken success we thought we would have going into this. I think viewing it as a fight can be a lifesaver to us- particularly when we realize that all Jesus wants out of us is to stay in the ring. He isn't asking you to not fall down, although falling down may make getting back up more difficult and so is better to be avoided. He just asks us to stay in the ring, and get back up after we fall down. It is nice when we can throw a few blows ourself, but as long as we are in the ring and we get back up after we fall down, and receive grace as needed, we'll be okay.

I want to encourage some of you out there who may be getting ready to quit. I know this walking with God thing can be tough at times and God can ask us to make decisions that aren't easy. Sometimes walking away from an addiction is the problem, sometimes we have dreams that are born out of selfishness that have to die. Sometimes our fears and doubts choke the life out of us. The truth is we were born to be loved by God. If you are on the brink of giving up, or even if you can tell that your frustrations with the Christian life are mounting, take a step back. Remember that while it is a fight, we all need those moments of just receiving love from the father and getting our own cup filled by the goodness of God. God will give you a time out of sorts where he will come to you and give you the ministry you need so that you can keep going, keep fighting. Just ask him. He doesn't hold back himself when we really cry out to him. My prayer is that you would come away from your special time with him rejuvenated and ready to fight another day. If you don't get what you need from God, what you try to get through other resources will eventually fail you and you may stop getting up- just going through the motions without fighting anymore. God's hand is outstretched- will you take it?

Your companion in Christ,
Sean

Choose your pleasures wisely...

Hello!

Now I have had my share of high tech pleasures. To be sure, the occasional movie is fun and I recently bought season two of Quantum Leap which I have watched religiously pretty much two episodes a night. So I guess you might think it slightly hypocritical to wonder whether such pleasures should be the mainstay of our leisure time, but hear me out anyways. I am pretty sure I am right, even if I don't practice it to the degree that I would like.

I am convinced that the lower the technology involved in our leisure time, the less overwhelming and manipulating of the emotions, the more involved we are with someone else or God than the entertainment itself, the more life satisfaction we get out of it. When I get together with my friends, we talk. I have multiple rich relationships because I am willing to let them know me as I am and because I share myself, while getting to know them. There is something about simple pleasures that really remind a person about why it is good to be alive, why God is good- inspiring gratitude. I don't know about you, but I don't experience the same thing when I watch a movie; that is more of an escape than a simple pleasure. If life isn't satisfying to you and God seems distant and you need a change of pace, simplify your pleasures. Read a good book. Go for a walk- better yet, go for a walk in the woods. Pick pleasures that are closer to the pleasures originally invented by God for our satisfaction and see if you don't come away with a deeper sense of gratitude, a greater sense of feeling alive. And then, go and share what you experienced with someone else. Maybe if the world got what it needed from its leisure time, people would come to work more satisfied and content and less striving to get their next fix. Oh, you may experience some withdrawal symtoms- it may be hard walking away from your television fix, but just maybe you'll come away more joyous than you ever did coming out of that theater. If this works for you, maybe post a comment for others to read and let them know that simplicity, even in the smallest way, has its benefits.

Your companion in Christ,
Sean

What the Holy Spirit is saying

Some people reading this have probably never heard God speak or received ministry from the Holy Spirit. I wanted to take this moment and let the Holy Spirit speak what he wants to say to me to give you a taste of what it is like to hear the voice of God for yourself.

Sean, can you see me smile? Can you see that I have such peace for you? Let the voice of the critic inside you, restlessly destroying you, die. Don't you know that I have the most wonderful plans for you, that I want to do some new things in your life? This next season is going to be marked by an increase in ministry. Some of the fights you've been fighting will be over with the victory won. You won't have anything to prove to me, as your Father I love you as you are. You have no idea how much I just want to embrace you everyday, letting my face of love just heal your wounds. Sean, you won't need to be afraid anymore. Not afraid of falling, not afraid of losing my love. You couldn't walk out on me if you wanted to. :-D I would love for you to be astonished and amazed by me everyday, to be surprised at the smallest of miracles- from every prayer answered to the new thing each day I wish to do in your life. Can't you see I am here for you? That I literally adore you, long for you every waking moment, am actively looking to bless you, and am out to get you- not in some fearful way but as a father is out to find his son in a game of hide and seek? :-) Please just enter into my rest every day. Forget yourself in loving me and let my peace reside in your heart, and there you will find the strength you need each day to be lead by God.

I hope this gives you all a taste of what it is like to hear the Holy Spirit for yourself. Jesus died and went to heaven in part so that the Holy Spirit could reside in your heart and speak to you as intimately and tenderly as he just spoke to me. My request to you is to give him a chance. As one of my favorite teachers put it, "He is the kindest person I've ever met in my whole life." Let him be your healer.

Your companion,
Sean

Passing the test

Have you ever experienced one of those moments where you inadvertently passed a test of your character? It was one of those moments where you did what was right simply because it was the right thing to do? I just had one of those moments. I didn't do anything grand, all I did was point out that some of the hours I was paid for during the last month were vacation hours and not regular work hours. Yet this moment of honesty gives me ecstacy, knowing that in some unassuming way I still care about righteousness, that in my heart of hearts I still love God.

I'll tell you a secret. It is in these little tests that our relationship with God stands or falls. Ultimately little sins quickly amount to real distance between us and God. Usually we think that great sins are what lead to a person's downfall, but sometimes great sins are followed by great repentance- which leads to reconciliation. Little sins tend to mount, over time, and create a corrosive and distructive effect upon our relationship with God. We tend to trivialize them, not realizing the gravity of our own decisions. The truth is people who have sinned the worst have often been vulnerable to transformation- a glance at scripture will reveal to obvious cases of this, the king Manasseh, who was perhaps the worst king in Judah's entire history and yet repented and is with our Lord now, and Paul- who was leading the crusade against Christians everywhere as a murderer, who turned around and became a great servant of Christ. Even a cursory glance at Saul and David- a real argument could be made that David's sins of adultery and murder were worse than Saul's sins of disobedience, but clearly David lived in relationship with God, and Saul lived on his own. It is this "living on our own" that is the most dangerous to our hearts, for as the little sins mount they kill us by leading us away from the master. If only a sin would occur that would be great enough to wake us up to the whole game- then we might repent, and rebuild our relationship with God. As long as nothing wakes us up to our true position we might ever walk farther and farther away from God, all the while smugly believing that the true sinners are those who fornicate or murder or whatever. We may even still be attending church, for the church itself acts as a barrier to recognition of our true condition. My prayer is that if you see yourself slowly tolerating sin, slowly walking away from God, take this moment to beg God for forgiveness. Perhaps it isn't too late if you see yourself being snared...

Your companion in Christ,
Sean