Abortion, and Empathy

I don't believe the myth that people can't change their minds at all on this issue. Why? Because I changed my mind on this issue.

I used to be essentially what our country calls "Pro-Life". I was. It wasn't the only issue I considered, but it was my perspective that the government should make abortion illegal. That was my point of view. So if you are reading this, and you view yourself as against abortion being legal, well- I might understand where you are coming from, at least a bit. I just... I'm not sure that the government should outlaw this practice. I would appreciate it, if you disagree with me, if you'd hang in there and hear me out. I've thought about this subject a lot. I truly have. And I hope you are willing to give me a chance to make my case for why... at the very least, you shouldn't just vote Republican purely because you are against abortion.

I think Christians should be the kings of empathy. I think they should. We should be able to put ourselves in another's shoes and say "How would I feel if I was in this predicament?" The "Pro-Life" issue is one where I don't really believe that Christians exhibit empathy. Oh sure, they care a lot about the unborn child. But do they care about the woman who is in that predicament? Do they care about the fact that the guy refused to wear a condom, or the condom broke, or whatever the reason was why the birth control failed? I think it's kind of assumed that "if a woman has sex and gets pregnant, the consequence for that action should be to be pregnant for nine months and then raise a child for 18 years... because of course that makes sense." Really? It's interesting that people automatically assume that adoption is an easy option. Is it? I have a feeling it is not, considering that many teens prefer to have an abortion to giving up a baby for adoption.

What are the male consequences in this situation? I have to believe there was a man around at the time of conception. Where is he? There are all sorts of things going on in this situation. Why is the woman supposed to be punished by raising an unwanted child when it's not exactly entirely her fault that she got pregnant? What's really fascinating, is that clearly men are more interested in sex than women, and I think most of the time it's men in relationships that are pushing to have sex as soon as possible, whereas it's women who get pregnant, and have to figure out what to do once they actually are pregnant. If I wasn't a Christian, and I was a woman, and I had sex with a man who pressured me into sex without a condom, and I got pregnant, and the guy told me he had no intention of helping me raise the child... I would consider abortion a valid option. I see this. We have to try to put ourselves in someone else's shoes.

It's easy to tell someone "Don't have sex if you don't want to get pregnant." That's easy to say on the outside. What about the girl whose boyfriend threatens to leave if she doesn't sleep with him? Why is this supposed to be an easy situation? It's just... men are generally the ones pushing for sex. As a man, I should try to see the world from a woman's perspective and understand that the whole situation sucks for them. Everything about this sucks. If she keeps the child, well... the people who are pushing her not to have an abortion are often nowhere to be seen once the child comes. People want to legislate the issue, but not actually help women who are in this predicament. It does not seem Christ-like to me to work hard to pass laws against abortion, without lifting a finger to invest in womens' lives and help women who feel they have no good options.

This empathy issue is a huge issue among Christians. For some reason, we are not known for looking at the world through others' perspectives. We don't care about what it's like to be an unwed woman who just found out she's pregnant. We don't care about what the world is like for an African-American who sees the police as an enemy to be careful around, because the police might kill them even if they didn't do anything wrong. There seem to be a lot of these issues where White Christians just don't care to see the world through another's eyes. I'm telling you, abortion is not the clearcut issue you think it is. I'm sure there are some women who get an abortion who don't think much of the decision, but I have enough faith in humanity to believe they are in the minority.

No one is excited about getting an abortion. It always means that something went horribly wrong and the girl in question doesn't see herself as having options. Where are the Christians in that scenario? Probably outside the abortion clinic. Is that really where they need to be? Wouldn't it be better if they were involved in the girl's life, trying to help her? If we were busy being salt and light, maybe fewer abortions would take place in this country. Instead we're busy telling young women they are evil if they choose an out that to them makes perfect sense. It just... it doesn't feel like Jesus's perspective that we should be focused on legislating an issue that is a symptom of the fact that men want sex but don't want to take responsibility for the consequences of the sex they have.

I would say men are probably responsible for... I'm guessing 70% of abortions. Yes, I'm pulling that number out of my ass, but think about it- the reason most girls have an abortion is because the man who slept with her has told her he wants no part in the baby. And everything I see and know about men and women indicates that men are far more interested in sex than women are. Is it always true? Probably not. But it is often true. Men want sex, but women deal with the consequences of the sex. For some reason, as a man, it doesn't seem right to me for me to be voting for Republicans to make abortion illegal when I haven't the first clue what it feels like to be pregnant and alone. I don't know what that feels like. What we do as Christians in dealing with this issue says a lot about how well we can see the world through another's perspective. I hope on Judgment Day God will look at me and say "Thanks for trying to see the world through other's eyes and for trying to help others do the same." We need to try to be in another's shoes, more than we invest in trying to tell them what to do should they find themselves in the horrible position of having an unwanted pregnancy in their belly. I just... we have to try to help people more than just make what they want to do illegal. Somehow, we need to get out of their faces and into their shoes. We have to try.