In this world, we don't really understand the kind of love that "lays its life down for its friends." We don't understand why a man would choose to be crucified so that we could be forgiven. We don't understand why a man would choose to be a vagabond and never get to go home in exchange for saving a friend's marriage, like Sam did in the last episode of Quantum Leap, or how Batman decides to take the blame for another man's crimes, so that his town could be spared of having 100+ criminals being released back on the streets. We don't understand this at all, because we are used to there being a catch. However, there is no catch to Jesus's open-armed offer of forgiveness for any and all who wanted it. He really does love us that much, more than we can ever comprehend. It is this love that touched my heart. At times, I wonder about the risks of being taken advantage of, because of the profound effect Jesus's love has had on me. However, the truth is love is never wasted. Unforgiveness only seems pragmatic when we don't see how great the love is that we've already received. What did Paul call us? "Imitators of Christ?" The truth is that His love has no catch. He's prepared to give up everything that we hold dear, so that he could be with us. So, the least we can do is have hearts that are easily moved to compassion and forgiveness. The least we can do is not keep record of wrongs. The least we can do, is turn the other cheek. We can forgive, because we've had his love lavished on us at every turn. He's always smiling at us, even when we think we've disappointed him. Love lets go of the past, and takes a risk of being taken advantage of, because love is what we all need. We all need to see that Jesus is smiling, even when we are at our worst, behaving at our worst.
I wish I could explain what love really is. The best I can say is that God's love for us is like the best day you've ever had in your whole life times 1000... and times 1000 again. And that is still not enough. We are loved so thoroughly that we can never, ever escape his grip. We have a home in God's heart, and despite what we may think, we cannot lose that, no matter how bad we fall. All we have to do, is believe it is so, and let go of all those filthy rags that we call our past transgressions. God is always there, even for the worst of us- in fact, especially for the worst of us. Please receive it today.
Sincerely,
Sean
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Kingdom Love
In some ways I consider it... a tragedy that I feel the need to write this the way I have in mind to write it. For one thing, I'm going to share some stuff that to be honest, shouldn't be publicized. I could be accused of trying to make myself look good or trying to impress people. Unfortunately, there are some actions I took while I was crazy that... for the people involved, there is some ambiguity about my motivation, or even some beliefs that in fact I was being manipulative or worse. Nothing could be further from the truth. I'm not trying to defend my actions. I'm arguing that while some of the choices I made were inappropriate, my motives were of kingdom love. That is one of my reasons for writing this. The other reason, is that christendom has failed us in teaching what genuine love looks like, and as a group, Christians tend to do the bare minimum, or nothing at all. I abhor this, and have for some time. This message is designed to encourage believers to treat people... as if Jesus were an extravagant lover, and that we should actually be the same.
Here are some examples of how this has looked like in the past, before the moments in question happened, in my life. Please don't judge me too harshly for sharing these things- honestly I'd prefer not to. However, I think this needs to be written, so the question about my motivation for doing what I did (not what I'm talking about here: these things I am writing about here happened awhile ago, and before now I hardly told anybody) can be completely put to rest. Hopefully this ends the issue.
I had a friend, who was sleeping on an air mattress- not the kind that are meant to last, but the cheap kind that you get at the store. He calls me up in the middle of the night because it popped. Now, he needs to get a good night's sleep. I think it was around 3:30 AM or some such ungodly hour, and I was asleep when he called. My first plan was to wire him the money to get another air mattress from Walmart, but I went to two or three places and that plan just wasn't working. I decided to take my air mattress, and my sleeping bag, and drive to Springfield, where my friend is. According to Google maps, it is about an hour's drive. I think it took longer than that. All told, I think it took me three and a half to four hours to do it all. I'll be truthful here- I don't know that I would have done this for a stranger. This was a friend. Still, I believe that is what kingdom love looks like.
I had a friend that I made through working at a convenience store who needed a phone so he could get calls from employers, and needed a ride to Albany and back so that he could get work. Now, for the phone, I really wanted to get him something that would meet the need for a substantial time period. I bought a "pay as you go" phone that got double minutes for any new minute cards he got, plus I got him a card that gave four hundred minutes plus a year of service. I believe the original bill came to $150, though for some reason I only got charged $130. After paying for all this, I gave it to him when I picked him up to take him to Albany. I spent most of the day taking him to the temp agencies around Albany. I also got the phone set up for him, because he's not the most technically savy person. And I did these things, because I loved him.
Other examples- I've given several hitchhikers rides, a few times way, way out of my way. Once I even pulled an all-nighter driving someone to their destination in Rockaway Beach, about 2.75 hours from here one way. I have no idea how many times I've bought people food, I've bought many people varying amounts of gasoline, and generally I take care of my peeps and try to meet every need that is within my reach. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I think this is what genuine love means. For those of you who believe my motives were evil for the other stuff, well, draw your own conclusions, but I have a clear conscience. For everyone else- try to remember we serve a king who left heaven, whose first night of sleep was not in a fancy crib but instead a feeding trough, who had no home of his own, never took a wife, and who lived his whole life as an other-centered person. Go and do likewise.
Here are some examples of how this has looked like in the past, before the moments in question happened, in my life. Please don't judge me too harshly for sharing these things- honestly I'd prefer not to. However, I think this needs to be written, so the question about my motivation for doing what I did (not what I'm talking about here: these things I am writing about here happened awhile ago, and before now I hardly told anybody) can be completely put to rest. Hopefully this ends the issue.
I had a friend, who was sleeping on an air mattress- not the kind that are meant to last, but the cheap kind that you get at the store. He calls me up in the middle of the night because it popped. Now, he needs to get a good night's sleep. I think it was around 3:30 AM or some such ungodly hour, and I was asleep when he called. My first plan was to wire him the money to get another air mattress from Walmart, but I went to two or three places and that plan just wasn't working. I decided to take my air mattress, and my sleeping bag, and drive to Springfield, where my friend is. According to Google maps, it is about an hour's drive. I think it took longer than that. All told, I think it took me three and a half to four hours to do it all. I'll be truthful here- I don't know that I would have done this for a stranger. This was a friend. Still, I believe that is what kingdom love looks like.
I had a friend that I made through working at a convenience store who needed a phone so he could get calls from employers, and needed a ride to Albany and back so that he could get work. Now, for the phone, I really wanted to get him something that would meet the need for a substantial time period. I bought a "pay as you go" phone that got double minutes for any new minute cards he got, plus I got him a card that gave four hundred minutes plus a year of service. I believe the original bill came to $150, though for some reason I only got charged $130. After paying for all this, I gave it to him when I picked him up to take him to Albany. I spent most of the day taking him to the temp agencies around Albany. I also got the phone set up for him, because he's not the most technically savy person. And I did these things, because I loved him.
Other examples- I've given several hitchhikers rides, a few times way, way out of my way. Once I even pulled an all-nighter driving someone to their destination in Rockaway Beach, about 2.75 hours from here one way. I have no idea how many times I've bought people food, I've bought many people varying amounts of gasoline, and generally I take care of my peeps and try to meet every need that is within my reach. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I think this is what genuine love means. For those of you who believe my motives were evil for the other stuff, well, draw your own conclusions, but I have a clear conscience. For everyone else- try to remember we serve a king who left heaven, whose first night of sleep was not in a fancy crib but instead a feeding trough, who had no home of his own, never took a wife, and who lived his whole life as an other-centered person. Go and do likewise.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Favorite Memories/ Things I Like
This post is... going to be a bit whimsical, but C.S. Lewis said that one of the strongest defenses against worldliness, is liking something without the least bit of a care about what others think about it. So, while I can't say that this is deeply spiritual in a direct way, I do think that the things we like that we don't care what anybody thinks about has some spiritual value, in a very practical way. Honestly, I've spent a great deal of time thinking about the bad stuff: the mistakes, the pain, all the garbage in my life, but not so much time looking at my happiest moments, and the things that I can honestly say, I really like. So here goes.
1) There was an invitation-only tournament that I was invited to, as the cream of high school chess players. Honestly, the first day I washed out. I lost all three games that day. What I like, is that the next day I came back and beat the two highest rated players in the tournament. The first game was a marathon- I'm pretty sure we used the vast majority of the six hours or so alloted for the game, because we were both in time trouble, but I pulled it off. The second game was a thing of beauty. I don't believe I've played a more beautiful chess game in my whole life. To come back and play spoiler, after my chances of winning the tournament were obliterated, to be honest, I'm more proud of the tenacity I showed that day than anything else I've done, except for graduating from college.
2) I split a state title in chess. The competition in this tournament wasn't as concentrated as the one I just mentioned, but I trained a long time for this, and I still consider that a significant accomplishment. I think it was in this moment, that I realized the value of being really good at something.
3) I saw my favorite geyser-Artimesia- twice. Oh my word, that is a beautiful sight. In the natural world, I don't believe there is anything more
beautiful. The first time I waited for three hours, and was starting to leave when it went off- I almost missed it. The second time, I arrived just as it was starting. Considering that there is a huge variation in how frequently it goes off- it is impossible to predict even remotely accurately- I think God's hand was in it. And, I am very thankful to have seen such a marvel twice, and I look forward to seeing it again some day.
4) Skating the Rideaux Canal. For some reason, this pops up for me as a favorite memory. That was beautiful.
5) Beating a bully at school for the last chess team spot- twice!
6) Shopping/hanging out at Powell Books. That book store, along with the technical book store nearby, is one of my favorites. Book stores are cool, but Powell's is something else...
7) Bicycling really fast. There are two moments that stand out in this regard. Neither are moments I intend to repeat in exactly the same way, but they are still significant. One, going down the hill near my house. I crashed by missing the turn, but my speedometer said I was going 50. 50! The other time, was when I was going down the hill on the other side of Summit on the way to the beach. My speedometer said I was going 30! I was in the middle of the road, and am fortunate I didn't get killed by a logging truck. Still, that was memorable.
8) Succeeding in biking to and from the coast. I remember when I finished a 60 mile trek from Philomath, through Summit and Siuslaw, to Newport, and finally to Beverly Beach. I tell you, there are VERY few accomplishments that are comparable. Oh, it felt good to run my own vacation this way-I didn't just bike to the coast, I biked there with my bike loaded for bear, making the feat more satisfying. It felt good to know I was capable of biking that distance, particularly with all the hills between here and the coast. I wish I was in that kind of shape now.
9) Running the Race to Robbie Creek- twice! That half marathon is grueling. I guess that's the only one comparable to 8).
10) Eating out at Romano's Grill while I was hospitalized, and having "Happy Birthday" sung to me in Italian by an aspiring operatic singer, studying such at PSU. That was marvelous. I also enjoyed eating Italian both times I was in San Fransisco- South Beach has fantastic Italian food, and when I heard about South Beach while I was taking a tour of the area in 2007, I knew I just had to have an authentic Italian food experience, and I did on that trip. The tour guide mentioned a "Rocco's Cafe," and in my more recent trip, I got to go there. It was awesome, too. I guess, if I'm going to eat out really fancy, Italian is what comes to mind. I guess, that's just one of my quirks.
11) Visiting Cal-Berkeley. That was cool. I've decided I want to do graduate studies there, and so I have my work cut out for me. Nevertheless, that is where I believe I'm going to get my master's from.
12) Visiting The Mission, in Vacaville, California. I really believe this is where my next spiritual home is, and it is where I want to put roots. If nothing else, when I get accepted to Cal-Berkeley, I want to move down there and go to church there.
13) Listening to Graham Cooke speak. I've been fortunate to go to several conferences where he has spoken, and I've enjoyed all of them. I love how he describes the life of faith, about... what is possible in the Christian life. He's my spiritual hero.
14) Texas Holdem'. I love that game. Not a whole lot of accomplishments there yet, but maybe at some point I'll take a crack at it. I'd love to see just how good I am at this.
There you have it. I know it isn't a complete list, but a lot of very happy memories are contained in this list. It is by no means comprehensive, but I think I got the most significant highlights. I think, these things are what make me... well, me. And, I think I like myself, just the way I am.
Sincerely,
Sean
1) There was an invitation-only tournament that I was invited to, as the cream of high school chess players. Honestly, the first day I washed out. I lost all three games that day. What I like, is that the next day I came back and beat the two highest rated players in the tournament. The first game was a marathon- I'm pretty sure we used the vast majority of the six hours or so alloted for the game, because we were both in time trouble, but I pulled it off. The second game was a thing of beauty. I don't believe I've played a more beautiful chess game in my whole life. To come back and play spoiler, after my chances of winning the tournament were obliterated, to be honest, I'm more proud of the tenacity I showed that day than anything else I've done, except for graduating from college.
2) I split a state title in chess. The competition in this tournament wasn't as concentrated as the one I just mentioned, but I trained a long time for this, and I still consider that a significant accomplishment. I think it was in this moment, that I realized the value of being really good at something.
3) I saw my favorite geyser-Artimesia- twice. Oh my word, that is a beautiful sight. In the natural world, I don't believe there is anything more
beautiful. The first time I waited for three hours, and was starting to leave when it went off- I almost missed it. The second time, I arrived just as it was starting. Considering that there is a huge variation in how frequently it goes off- it is impossible to predict even remotely accurately- I think God's hand was in it. And, I am very thankful to have seen such a marvel twice, and I look forward to seeing it again some day.
4) Skating the Rideaux Canal. For some reason, this pops up for me as a favorite memory. That was beautiful.
5) Beating a bully at school for the last chess team spot- twice!
6) Shopping/hanging out at Powell Books. That book store, along with the technical book store nearby, is one of my favorites. Book stores are cool, but Powell's is something else...
7) Bicycling really fast. There are two moments that stand out in this regard. Neither are moments I intend to repeat in exactly the same way, but they are still significant. One, going down the hill near my house. I crashed by missing the turn, but my speedometer said I was going 50. 50! The other time, was when I was going down the hill on the other side of Summit on the way to the beach. My speedometer said I was going 30! I was in the middle of the road, and am fortunate I didn't get killed by a logging truck. Still, that was memorable.
8) Succeeding in biking to and from the coast. I remember when I finished a 60 mile trek from Philomath, through Summit and Siuslaw, to Newport, and finally to Beverly Beach. I tell you, there are VERY few accomplishments that are comparable. Oh, it felt good to run my own vacation this way-I didn't just bike to the coast, I biked there with my bike loaded for bear, making the feat more satisfying. It felt good to know I was capable of biking that distance, particularly with all the hills between here and the coast. I wish I was in that kind of shape now.
9) Running the Race to Robbie Creek- twice! That half marathon is grueling. I guess that's the only one comparable to 8).
10) Eating out at Romano's Grill while I was hospitalized, and having "Happy Birthday" sung to me in Italian by an aspiring operatic singer, studying such at PSU. That was marvelous. I also enjoyed eating Italian both times I was in San Fransisco- South Beach has fantastic Italian food, and when I heard about South Beach while I was taking a tour of the area in 2007, I knew I just had to have an authentic Italian food experience, and I did on that trip. The tour guide mentioned a "Rocco's Cafe," and in my more recent trip, I got to go there. It was awesome, too. I guess, if I'm going to eat out really fancy, Italian is what comes to mind. I guess, that's just one of my quirks.
11) Visiting Cal-Berkeley. That was cool. I've decided I want to do graduate studies there, and so I have my work cut out for me. Nevertheless, that is where I believe I'm going to get my master's from.
12) Visiting The Mission, in Vacaville, California. I really believe this is where my next spiritual home is, and it is where I want to put roots. If nothing else, when I get accepted to Cal-Berkeley, I want to move down there and go to church there.
13) Listening to Graham Cooke speak. I've been fortunate to go to several conferences where he has spoken, and I've enjoyed all of them. I love how he describes the life of faith, about... what is possible in the Christian life. He's my spiritual hero.
14) Texas Holdem'. I love that game. Not a whole lot of accomplishments there yet, but maybe at some point I'll take a crack at it. I'd love to see just how good I am at this.
There you have it. I know it isn't a complete list, but a lot of very happy memories are contained in this list. It is by no means comprehensive, but I think I got the most significant highlights. I think, these things are what make me... well, me. And, I think I like myself, just the way I am.
Sincerely,
Sean
Friday, April 09, 2010
A Dream and a Trip Game Changing
There are moments, in a person's life, that change everything. Most change that happens in life happens gradually- that's a realistic picture of the nature of change. However, sometimes something happens, that alters our perspective in a significant way. For me, I've recently had two such moments- the trip, and the dream.
In the trip, it was like I found myself. I realized that I had... some desires that I was ignoring. I found a school I wanted to go to for graduate studies. I found a church I wanted to be a part of. In the midst of these discoveries, I found... myself. Yeah, I found myself, in a way I hadn't anticipated. Some of the post traumatic stress disorder went away. I was at peace. I discovered rest. It was good.
The other life-changing event, was a dream. To put perspective on this, I was... really, really upset with someone. I didn't like how they were handling things, and honestly... I really didn't know what to do. Last night, though... I had a dream. In that dream I had a conversation with this person. Somehow, this dream defused my anger. I don't know if a dream has ever had that effect on me, of calming me down. I was ready to move far away out of anger, or at least with anger being one of the motivators. Now... I'm closer to being at peace, of letting go. I still don't understand, why this person handled things the way they did, but I'm coming to realize that needing to understand isn't necessarily a prerequisite to moving on. What does the word say? "Love is patient... love is kind... love is not easily angered... love doesn't boast." Yeah, I don't know that all the anger is gone. Peace will still be a challenge. However, the vindictive edge to it has passed on. I'm calm, ready to move forward. I want to get back to the life I once had. I've still lost a close friend, but I've discovered a deeper understanding of what true friendship is. And... I think I'm coming to grips with just being me. I don't even know for sure what that means, and yet I feel it is accurate.
Life... life is only going to get better from here. That I believe. There are things I want to do, and now I'm going to try to spend my life in ways that make sense. I want to bring to life one of my favorite quotes- "Get busy living or get busy dying- that's God's honest truth." I think it's time to get busy...
Sincerely,
Sean
In the trip, it was like I found myself. I realized that I had... some desires that I was ignoring. I found a school I wanted to go to for graduate studies. I found a church I wanted to be a part of. In the midst of these discoveries, I found... myself. Yeah, I found myself, in a way I hadn't anticipated. Some of the post traumatic stress disorder went away. I was at peace. I discovered rest. It was good.
The other life-changing event, was a dream. To put perspective on this, I was... really, really upset with someone. I didn't like how they were handling things, and honestly... I really didn't know what to do. Last night, though... I had a dream. In that dream I had a conversation with this person. Somehow, this dream defused my anger. I don't know if a dream has ever had that effect on me, of calming me down. I was ready to move far away out of anger, or at least with anger being one of the motivators. Now... I'm closer to being at peace, of letting go. I still don't understand, why this person handled things the way they did, but I'm coming to realize that needing to understand isn't necessarily a prerequisite to moving on. What does the word say? "Love is patient... love is kind... love is not easily angered... love doesn't boast." Yeah, I don't know that all the anger is gone. Peace will still be a challenge. However, the vindictive edge to it has passed on. I'm calm, ready to move forward. I want to get back to the life I once had. I've still lost a close friend, but I've discovered a deeper understanding of what true friendship is. And... I think I'm coming to grips with just being me. I don't even know for sure what that means, and yet I feel it is accurate.
Life... life is only going to get better from here. That I believe. There are things I want to do, and now I'm going to try to spend my life in ways that make sense. I want to bring to life one of my favorite quotes- "Get busy living or get busy dying- that's God's honest truth." I think it's time to get busy...
Sincerely,
Sean
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