My Struggle to Call God 'Daddy'

I believe it is the heart of God to have an intimate relationship with me, and with everyone that is willing to pay the price for it. This term "Daddy" would signify that I have a profoundly intimate relationship with God. For me, though, there was a time when I used that term and it was normal. I was able to walk in that and be comfortable with it. Unfortunately, a spirit was allowed into my midst that mimicked the voice of God and deceived me, leading to all kinds of trouble. How this happened, I have thoughts on, but I prefer to keep those private. Nevertheless, now- now that I'm through that season and am healing from all the damage that happened to me in the fallout from my decisions related to following said spirit, I'm revisiting what I call God.

See, I think you can learn something about a person's relationship with God by what they call 'God'. The term 'God' is very formal. Me calling God 'God' is a little like my best friend calling me "Mr. Zlatnik". It's rather formal and distant. No one close to me calls me "Mr. Zlatnik." No, that is what my first name is for- Sean. If I had a wife, she probably wouldn't even call me "Sean." She'd call me "honey" or "dear" or some other term of endearment. So what you call someone says a lot about your relationship with that person. What I call God matters, and the fact I don't want to call him "Daddy" is more of an issue than you might think. It signifies how wounded and betrayed I feel by God. How do I get over that? I've prayed about it, speaking forgiveness over God- which sounds weird, but I think if people are honest, we all have reasons to be angry at God, and mine are more than "I didn't get a great job." or "I didn't get the wife I wanted." God allowing a spirit to speak to me and deceive me into thinking that spirit was him hurts lots and lots. I don't even know where to begin with that. I believe God has a purpose for the things I did- and I believe I even know what that purpose is. However, that really doesn't solve the sense of betrayal for me. It doesn't! I wish that it did.

So here I am. I'm struggling to come to terms with this "betrayal," for lack of a better word. I'm also struggling with the idea that I DO want to be able to have adventures by hearing God's voice and obeying. At this point, I don't know how that could be possible. I don't know how to have that kind of relationship with God without being crazy. It's sad and frustrating for me- the kind of relationship I want with God is to follow God anywhere, but at the same time every time I've tried to do that it has done significant damage to my relationships, to my finances and basically is like me being at war with myself, attempting to destroy all I hold dear with my own two hands. So I don't know how to have that kind of relationship and be sane at the same time. I wish I knew. I want to have good adventures with God. I want to minister to people deeply. And most of all, I want to call God "Daddy" again without it hurting when I say it. I don't know how to do these things. I wish I did...