The Fear of the Lord is the Beginning of Wisdom

I want to start this off with a movie quote that seems... inappropriate, but I will explain why I'm using it:

"I hope so, for your sake. The emperor is not as forgiving as I am."

This quote, from "Return of the Jedi," strikes a theme I want to hit on. Jesus and God the Father are two distinctly different people. Jesus is the forgiving one. He died on a cross so that grace could be received by humanity. That grace is necessary because God is not that much like Jesus. God is... distinctly different. God longs for justice. If you offend him directly, don't ASSUME that having Jesus as your defense attorney will save you. Nowhere in scripture does Jesus say or even imply that faith in him will save you even if you offend God. You need to take this seriously. The subject of "The fear of the Lord" is constant throughout the Bible. Proverbs talks about it. Jesus talked about it. It's ubiquitous in the Bible. See http://www.feargod.net/verses.php Fearing God is the OPPOSITE of a works-based religion, and the basis of true humility. If you fear God, you will do what he says no matter what- and you will simply be pleased to be a servant or a slave to God without earning any honor for said obedience. That is what it means to fear the Lord. To fear God is to not want to do anything that might bring God's ire. God is not someone you want to offend.

This is such a serious subject that I don't know how to emphasize it strongly enough. Jesus said you shouldn't fear man, but fear God alone: "Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell." There is no game here. You can't score points with God through repentance. God doesn't want the sort of relationship that vacillates between disobedience and forgiveness. God is not into playing games like that. If he thinks you don't really fear him because you prayed a prayer or some other such nonsense, this post should shock you back to reality. God isn't messing around when it comes to justice. He'll send someone to hell for cursing someone out- surely you should be wary of being complacent with such a being!

Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that God doesn't love people or that we must live our entire lives walking on eggshells. Just... it's important to realize how serious it is if we offend our maker and not demonstrate TRUE repentance. TRUE repentance requires that you go back to the person you hurt and make amends. You can't take this sort of thing lightly. If you offend your maker, you must take that thing to God and do EVERYTHING you can to make it right. You can't skip steps because they are awkward or uncomfortable. And you don't want to be repeating sins over and over- this sort of "game playing" where you think you can sin and repent later is not one your maker thinks highly of. Repentance is about deep, inward change. If you need help to change, then pray the change you need in. See a therapist if you need to. Join a twelve-step group. Do what you must to end the cycle. If you don't, don't expect mercy from your maker in the end...

My Struggle to Call God 'Daddy'

I believe it is the heart of God to have an intimate relationship with me, and with everyone that is willing to pay the price for it. This term "Daddy" would signify that I have a profoundly intimate relationship with God. For me, though, there was a time when I used that term and it was normal. I was able to walk in that and be comfortable with it. Unfortunately, a spirit was allowed into my midst that mimicked the voice of God and deceived me, leading to all kinds of trouble. How this happened, I have thoughts on, but I prefer to keep those private. Nevertheless, now- now that I'm through that season and am healing from all the damage that happened to me in the fallout from my decisions related to following said spirit, I'm revisiting what I call God.

See, I think you can learn something about a person's relationship with God by what they call 'God'. The term 'God' is very formal. Me calling God 'God' is a little like my best friend calling me "Mr. Zlatnik". It's rather formal and distant. No one close to me calls me "Mr. Zlatnik." No, that is what my first name is for- Sean. If I had a wife, she probably wouldn't even call me "Sean." She'd call me "honey" or "dear" or some other term of endearment. So what you call someone says a lot about your relationship with that person. What I call God matters, and the fact I don't want to call him "Daddy" is more of an issue than you might think. It signifies how wounded and betrayed I feel by God. How do I get over that? I've prayed about it, speaking forgiveness over God- which sounds weird, but I think if people are honest, we all have reasons to be angry at God, and mine are more than "I didn't get a great job." or "I didn't get the wife I wanted." God allowing a spirit to speak to me and deceive me into thinking that spirit was him hurts lots and lots. I don't even know where to begin with that. I believe God has a purpose for the things I did- and I believe I even know what that purpose is. However, that really doesn't solve the sense of betrayal for me. It doesn't! I wish that it did.

So here I am. I'm struggling to come to terms with this "betrayal," for lack of a better word. I'm also struggling with the idea that I DO want to be able to have adventures by hearing God's voice and obeying. At this point, I don't know how that could be possible. I don't know how to have that kind of relationship with God without being crazy. It's sad and frustrating for me- the kind of relationship I want with God is to follow God anywhere, but at the same time every time I've tried to do that it has done significant damage to my relationships, to my finances and basically is like me being at war with myself, attempting to destroy all I hold dear with my own two hands. So I don't know how to have that kind of relationship and be sane at the same time. I wish I knew. I want to have good adventures with God. I want to minister to people deeply. And most of all, I want to call God "Daddy" again without it hurting when I say it. I don't know how to do these things. I wish I did...