I've often heard that there is no difference between these two. Honestly, if you looked at Christendom, you see a lot of nice people... However, there are situations which reveal a dramatic diffence, as I will soon demonstrate.
There is a scene, in my favorite movie "Les Miserables," where the new head of police crosses the line, in how he handles justice in a particular case. Now our hero, Jean Valjean, who happens to be mayor of this town, finds out about this, and comes to the rescue of the woman being prosecuted. Here is a textbook example of the difference between being loving and being nice. The police officer and Valjean go toe-to-toe, until the officer says "she will not go free as long as I'm in charge," to which Valjean's response is classic- "in that case, under article 77 you are relieved of duty until tomorrow morning. LEAVE! NOW!" Now, notice what he DIDN'T do. He did not try to appease everyone. A nice person may very well have buckled in that situation, because there was no grey area, no way to satisfy both parties. A love-oriented person, is not afraid to choose a side, for love's sake, and stay the course out of love's sake, and won't care about stepping on someone else's toes, knowing they are standing where they should stand. A nice person, though, needs to be liked by everyone, and may struggle to make a decision which might upset some people or someone. In that moment, Jean Valjean didn't care whether the officer liked him or not, and actually probably earned a little bit of respect for standing up for his convictions. It's really a backbone thing. It is true there are situations where compromise is useful- I'm not saying compromise is always bad. Clearly, though, sometimes compromise is no good... sometimes you just have to take a stand. You have to decide that you care more about a cause or a person in need of protection than about making everyone happy. Jesus demonstrated this when he cleared the temple of the sales people, because that area was where gentiles were supposed to be able to meet with God. He loved the gentiles, so he went to bat for them. This is what I mean- to love someone enough to fight someone else to protect the one you loved. This is what love really means. Go and do likewise.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Monday, August 09, 2010
Thoughts On Being A Transformative Husband
This entry... is the product of a lot of thought. I've often wondered how I'd handle being in this kind of relationship, how a man could play a role in the spiritual and emotional development in the life of his lover, and I've decided to try to put my thoughts on paper (so to speak). Honestly, this may seem somewhat theoretical, seeing as I've never had a girlfriend, but my friends have told me that they are impressed by my wisdom gifting, and I've read several books that either were solely about this subject, or had sections about this, so I'm going to take a crack at this. Feel free to laugh at things that are off, but God usually gives me good stuff even if I'm talking about something I don't have much first-hand knowledge with... so here goes.
First of all, there is this issue of self-esteem that needs addressing. Most women struggle with their appearance, thinking that they are unattractive, or even ugly. This is really sad, from a guy's perspective- we often see beauty where they only see ugly. I do think there are things that a guy could do that could help. Perhaps if you are dining in, maybe (assuming you've developed a level of trust appropriate for this) you could request that she not wear makeup and jewelry. I think the way to phrase it is "I'd like to see you as how God made you." My opinion is that women largely wear makeup, because they don't like how they look without it, and they've been wounded by other people criticizing their appearance. If a guy can honestly assure his woman that she looks fine without all that stuff, I think that could be the beginning of what I imagine will be a very long healing process regarding their self-image and self-esteem. I'd suggest this for other dates as well, but if someone in public was an ass and criticized your lover for how she looked without makeup, that would largely diminish any progress made, and might even make things worse. The goal, in the long term, would be she'd become secure enough in how she looks that that wouldn't matter, but most women are a long ways from that point as it is, and one negative remark from some idiot passerby could potentially ruin six months worth of positive reinforcement and encouragement. I can back this idea up with scripture (paraphrase): "Women should adorn themselves with good works rather than jewelry," but I think this project should be done gradually, at whatever pace your lover is comfortable with. This is a project of love, and requires a great deal of tact and nurturing, or it will fail miserably. As guys, we also need to learn to not be so focused on what we see. That beauty, is the cherry on top of the whip cream, on top of the ice cream sundae- it has its place, but as cherries go is only worth so much, and we need to grow up in how we look at the opposite sex. They are more beautiful than we give them credit for, and certainly way more than they give themselves credit for. I don't think I could be interested in a girl that wasn't attractive to me, and can say with complete honesty that I've thought every woman I was really interested in was beautiful to me and I wouldn't change a thing about any of them in their appearance, but I'm realizing I was (at times) a bit shallow that way. For example, I'd have a hard time dating a really thin girl. I'm shallow that way. I realize I have growing up to do, because truth be told, that really doesn't matter that much, period.
Another large key is figuring out what kind of love our significant other appreciates most. As I understand it, there are five love languages- words of affirmation, physical touch, gift giving, quality time, and acts of service. Within these love languages, there are a lot of variations. Figuring out which one is most important, and what ways that you can speak this love language that will resonate as meaningful, is critical to ministering to your lover. For example, if your lover hated loading the dishwasher, and acts of service was meaningful to her, then loading the dishwasher every day might mean the world to her. It might mean more than all the flowers and candy in the world. Another example: I knew a guy who bought a large bouquet of roses for his wife. In talking to her later, though, she wasn't a big fan- she would have prefered time and money to go shopping. He could have given her cash or a gift card for half the value of the roses, and made sure she had an opportunity to spend an afternoon shopping, saved half the money and scored three times the points (so to speak...). The goal largely is to be effective first, and extravagantly effective second... but I'll get to that soon enough. My point is not about saving money, but about knowing your lover well enough to know what will and won't work best- that is what I'm getting at. You could get your lover roses every day, but if she likes daisies or hugs better, you won't be anywhere near as effective as you want, and she may even feel you don't love her enough. That is the outcome to be avoided. It may take experimentation and lots of questions, but with some work and practice, you can hopefully become effective at speaking her language(s) (usually there is a secondary one that matters a fair amount as well), which will fill her love tank, which keeps the relationship fresh and satisfying. I'll admit there is a place for trying to help your lover learn how to love you the way you wish to be loved, but that is the subject for another entry...
Another critical component to ministering to your lover, is expressing her value to you. There is a tale I read (true or not, it is worth mentioning), about a man who decided upon a woman who people thought looked plain. Now, in his culture, a man "bought" a woman from the father with cattle. Normally, a man paid two or three cattle for such, and paying one was a bit like low-balling and was discouraged. Now, this man was very shrewd. He knew that while in this case he could get away with paying just one, he knew that how she'd feel about him, would differ, depending on how much value he expressed she had to him by how much he paid. He paid EIGHT cattle for her (an unheardof amount- four or six was considered the max for the most beautiful women on the island). Imagine what this did for her. She felt loved, more than any other woman on the whole island. Some folks visited them after they were married, and she was beaming. Because he put such a high value to her, it changed her in a way that was beyond comprehension- she became the beauty that was worth what he paid. The outside, is a reflection of what is inside, and the value a husband puts on his wife, can have a powerful impact, perhaps even on her physical appearance. Certainly, I think when husbands express value in their lovers over the span of their relationship, I think that it enables their lover to age more gracefully, and helps allow that inner beauty to come to the surface. I also think, that it helps a man develop "rose-colored glasses" of sorts- they will come to see the beauty that was already there. I believe these are both true. Love can easily last a lifetime, if only a husband learned to effectively love their wife extravagantly, as Jesus loves the church.
My final subject is on the primary difference in what women need. Women generally talk about their problems to feel better, and not looking for solutions, so we as men must learn to listen and be judicious about when to suggest how to fix it (if at all). If my sister is talking about her day, and for some reason I really want to share a possible solution, I'll ask if I can share it (whether that is even good or not is debatable...) but at least I'm recognizing that she may not be interested in a solution, which is often the case. We guys talk about problems usually because we can't figure it out ourselves, but women tend to talk about problems just to feel better. Also, women tend to appreciate little acts of love almost as much as big ones, so while the big ones are good, doing the little things daily will mean as much or more than just occasionally doing "big" things. Women also tend to shift more emotionally than men, and when our lover is down, we need to be especially gracious, patient, and listen carefully. That will help them rebound a little faster, and make the times when she feels good all the more better.
I think there is much more to be said on this subject, but I think I've hit on the high points. I think the biggest key, overall, is making oneself a student of what makes one's lover tick. Finding out ways to display the love we have in ways that will hit our lover's real needs so that they feel more loved than they ever imagined... That's game-changing. I think, if men spent half the time trying to figure out how to show their wives they are loved, in ways that they had discovered would really mean something to them as they do with watching sports, or doing their hobbies, or all the other stuff we men love to do, we'd have much better love-lives, and (yeah I'm going to say it) better sex lives too. I think marriages can and should last a lifetime, and while it takes two to tango, I think that husbands not loving their wives well is usually the core issue when things fall apart. If we love our wives like Jesus loves the church, I think it becomes much easier for them to give us the respect we need, which helps us love them all the more.
If you are curious where all this came from... here are the primary sources (all books I own...):
The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, by John Gray PHd
Written In Stone: The Ten Commandments and Today's Moral Crisis, by Philip Graham Ryken
First of all, there is this issue of self-esteem that needs addressing. Most women struggle with their appearance, thinking that they are unattractive, or even ugly. This is really sad, from a guy's perspective- we often see beauty where they only see ugly. I do think there are things that a guy could do that could help. Perhaps if you are dining in, maybe (assuming you've developed a level of trust appropriate for this) you could request that she not wear makeup and jewelry. I think the way to phrase it is "I'd like to see you as how God made you." My opinion is that women largely wear makeup, because they don't like how they look without it, and they've been wounded by other people criticizing their appearance. If a guy can honestly assure his woman that she looks fine without all that stuff, I think that could be the beginning of what I imagine will be a very long healing process regarding their self-image and self-esteem. I'd suggest this for other dates as well, but if someone in public was an ass and criticized your lover for how she looked without makeup, that would largely diminish any progress made, and might even make things worse. The goal, in the long term, would be she'd become secure enough in how she looks that that wouldn't matter, but most women are a long ways from that point as it is, and one negative remark from some idiot passerby could potentially ruin six months worth of positive reinforcement and encouragement. I can back this idea up with scripture (paraphrase): "Women should adorn themselves with good works rather than jewelry," but I think this project should be done gradually, at whatever pace your lover is comfortable with. This is a project of love, and requires a great deal of tact and nurturing, or it will fail miserably. As guys, we also need to learn to not be so focused on what we see. That beauty, is the cherry on top of the whip cream, on top of the ice cream sundae- it has its place, but as cherries go is only worth so much, and we need to grow up in how we look at the opposite sex. They are more beautiful than we give them credit for, and certainly way more than they give themselves credit for. I don't think I could be interested in a girl that wasn't attractive to me, and can say with complete honesty that I've thought every woman I was really interested in was beautiful to me and I wouldn't change a thing about any of them in their appearance, but I'm realizing I was (at times) a bit shallow that way. For example, I'd have a hard time dating a really thin girl. I'm shallow that way. I realize I have growing up to do, because truth be told, that really doesn't matter that much, period.
Another large key is figuring out what kind of love our significant other appreciates most. As I understand it, there are five love languages- words of affirmation, physical touch, gift giving, quality time, and acts of service. Within these love languages, there are a lot of variations. Figuring out which one is most important, and what ways that you can speak this love language that will resonate as meaningful, is critical to ministering to your lover. For example, if your lover hated loading the dishwasher, and acts of service was meaningful to her, then loading the dishwasher every day might mean the world to her. It might mean more than all the flowers and candy in the world. Another example: I knew a guy who bought a large bouquet of roses for his wife. In talking to her later, though, she wasn't a big fan- she would have prefered time and money to go shopping. He could have given her cash or a gift card for half the value of the roses, and made sure she had an opportunity to spend an afternoon shopping, saved half the money and scored three times the points (so to speak...). The goal largely is to be effective first, and extravagantly effective second... but I'll get to that soon enough. My point is not about saving money, but about knowing your lover well enough to know what will and won't work best- that is what I'm getting at. You could get your lover roses every day, but if she likes daisies or hugs better, you won't be anywhere near as effective as you want, and she may even feel you don't love her enough. That is the outcome to be avoided. It may take experimentation and lots of questions, but with some work and practice, you can hopefully become effective at speaking her language(s) (usually there is a secondary one that matters a fair amount as well), which will fill her love tank, which keeps the relationship fresh and satisfying. I'll admit there is a place for trying to help your lover learn how to love you the way you wish to be loved, but that is the subject for another entry...
Another critical component to ministering to your lover, is expressing her value to you. There is a tale I read (true or not, it is worth mentioning), about a man who decided upon a woman who people thought looked plain. Now, in his culture, a man "bought" a woman from the father with cattle. Normally, a man paid two or three cattle for such, and paying one was a bit like low-balling and was discouraged. Now, this man was very shrewd. He knew that while in this case he could get away with paying just one, he knew that how she'd feel about him, would differ, depending on how much value he expressed she had to him by how much he paid. He paid EIGHT cattle for her (an unheardof amount- four or six was considered the max for the most beautiful women on the island). Imagine what this did for her. She felt loved, more than any other woman on the whole island. Some folks visited them after they were married, and she was beaming. Because he put such a high value to her, it changed her in a way that was beyond comprehension- she became the beauty that was worth what he paid. The outside, is a reflection of what is inside, and the value a husband puts on his wife, can have a powerful impact, perhaps even on her physical appearance. Certainly, I think when husbands express value in their lovers over the span of their relationship, I think that it enables their lover to age more gracefully, and helps allow that inner beauty to come to the surface. I also think, that it helps a man develop "rose-colored glasses" of sorts- they will come to see the beauty that was already there. I believe these are both true. Love can easily last a lifetime, if only a husband learned to effectively love their wife extravagantly, as Jesus loves the church.
My final subject is on the primary difference in what women need. Women generally talk about their problems to feel better, and not looking for solutions, so we as men must learn to listen and be judicious about when to suggest how to fix it (if at all). If my sister is talking about her day, and for some reason I really want to share a possible solution, I'll ask if I can share it (whether that is even good or not is debatable...) but at least I'm recognizing that she may not be interested in a solution, which is often the case. We guys talk about problems usually because we can't figure it out ourselves, but women tend to talk about problems just to feel better. Also, women tend to appreciate little acts of love almost as much as big ones, so while the big ones are good, doing the little things daily will mean as much or more than just occasionally doing "big" things. Women also tend to shift more emotionally than men, and when our lover is down, we need to be especially gracious, patient, and listen carefully. That will help them rebound a little faster, and make the times when she feels good all the more better.
I think there is much more to be said on this subject, but I think I've hit on the high points. I think the biggest key, overall, is making oneself a student of what makes one's lover tick. Finding out ways to display the love we have in ways that will hit our lover's real needs so that they feel more loved than they ever imagined... That's game-changing. I think, if men spent half the time trying to figure out how to show their wives they are loved, in ways that they had discovered would really mean something to them as they do with watching sports, or doing their hobbies, or all the other stuff we men love to do, we'd have much better love-lives, and (yeah I'm going to say it) better sex lives too. I think marriages can and should last a lifetime, and while it takes two to tango, I think that husbands not loving their wives well is usually the core issue when things fall apart. If we love our wives like Jesus loves the church, I think it becomes much easier for them to give us the respect we need, which helps us love them all the more.
If you are curious where all this came from... here are the primary sources (all books I own...):
The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, by John Gray PHd
Written In Stone: The Ten Commandments and Today's Moral Crisis, by Philip Graham Ryken
Sunday, August 08, 2010
The Plan
"Okay. Here's my plan. First, I'm going to build a boat. A really, really big boat."
"Really? Why?"
"Oh, God told me that it's going to rain for 40 days and nights, so I want to be ready. I also need room for all the types of fauna in the area. However, that's just stage one."
"Stage one? You mean, there's more?"
"Yes. Next I'm going to move to Iraq. Several years later, I'm going to kill my only son."
"Kill your son? Why on earth would you do that?"
"Oh, God told me to. I believe, since God told me I'd have lots of descendents through him, and my wife was an old lady when she conceived, that God will raise him from the dead."
"God would raise him from the dead? Has that ever happened? Why would you think that?"
"Oh, please don't get hung up on that. We've only scratched the beginnings of my plans."
"You can top killing your only son because you think God is going to resurrect him? I doubt it."
"What if I decide to lead an army of 300 against an army of 30,000? Does that top that?"
"Well... why wouldn't you choose to bring a bigger army? I mean, outnumbered 100 to 1? That's insane on the face of it."
"Oh, God wants the credit, so he'll only choose the people who drink out of the river a certain way."
"Why on earth does it matter how people drink out of a river? Has anyone told you that you belong in a nuthouse? You are the most whacko person I've ever met. I'm going to call the police right now- maybe then your son will live until puberty."
"I'm not afraid. If you call the police, I'll call fire down from heaven and have them wiped out. It's a really bad idea, so don't do it."
"Just out of curiousity... I don't know why I'm asking this but... is this your complete plan? I mean, it's quite a doozy... but somehow, I think this isn't everything."
"Yes. Destroy the empire state building, and I'll rebuild it in three days."
"What the heck are you talking about?"
"Oh, I mean the local religious leaders are going to band together with the local government to have me executed. Two days later, I will come back to life. By doing this, I will acquire forgiveness for everyone else's sins. That's my grand finale."
"Okay, that does it. I'm calling the cops. You need to be in a mental hospital NOW."
"No... Wait! I haven't even BEGUN my plan! God says I must do these things! Don't try to thwart the will of God! I'll call down fire from heaven! They WILL die! Wait..."
My point: People have this... idea that God gives simple, straightforward commands in the prophetic, that with enough people around you to tell you which words to listen to and not listen to, that you can obey God completely and everything will work out hunky-dory. Even Peter saw the insanity of Jesus letting himself be executed, and Jesus called him the devil because of this. The truth- according to scripture, God is not tame. His words... are not tame. He has asked people to do things... that made no flipping sense at the time, and had there been a loony bin, most of God's prophetic people would have ended up there, including our savior (who they killed instead...). Obeying God... is no simple matter. Knowing what is God and what isn't God... also no simple matter. The Bible is full of weird stuff- even in the New Testement, Paul was told that going to Jerusalem was a bad idea by everyone, and he did it anyways... It's hard to know when to listen to those around you, and when to obey your own convictions about what God has said to you. Anybody that says otherwise is either being willfully stupid, or hasn't looked at scripture that closely, or both...
"Really? Why?"
"Oh, God told me that it's going to rain for 40 days and nights, so I want to be ready. I also need room for all the types of fauna in the area. However, that's just stage one."
"Stage one? You mean, there's more?"
"Yes. Next I'm going to move to Iraq. Several years later, I'm going to kill my only son."
"Kill your son? Why on earth would you do that?"
"Oh, God told me to. I believe, since God told me I'd have lots of descendents through him, and my wife was an old lady when she conceived, that God will raise him from the dead."
"God would raise him from the dead? Has that ever happened? Why would you think that?"
"Oh, please don't get hung up on that. We've only scratched the beginnings of my plans."
"You can top killing your only son because you think God is going to resurrect him? I doubt it."
"What if I decide to lead an army of 300 against an army of 30,000? Does that top that?"
"Well... why wouldn't you choose to bring a bigger army? I mean, outnumbered 100 to 1? That's insane on the face of it."
"Oh, God wants the credit, so he'll only choose the people who drink out of the river a certain way."
"Why on earth does it matter how people drink out of a river? Has anyone told you that you belong in a nuthouse? You are the most whacko person I've ever met. I'm going to call the police right now- maybe then your son will live until puberty."
"I'm not afraid. If you call the police, I'll call fire down from heaven and have them wiped out. It's a really bad idea, so don't do it."
"Just out of curiousity... I don't know why I'm asking this but... is this your complete plan? I mean, it's quite a doozy... but somehow, I think this isn't everything."
"Yes. Destroy the empire state building, and I'll rebuild it in three days."
"What the heck are you talking about?"
"Oh, I mean the local religious leaders are going to band together with the local government to have me executed. Two days later, I will come back to life. By doing this, I will acquire forgiveness for everyone else's sins. That's my grand finale."
"Okay, that does it. I'm calling the cops. You need to be in a mental hospital NOW."
"No... Wait! I haven't even BEGUN my plan! God says I must do these things! Don't try to thwart the will of God! I'll call down fire from heaven! They WILL die! Wait..."
My point: People have this... idea that God gives simple, straightforward commands in the prophetic, that with enough people around you to tell you which words to listen to and not listen to, that you can obey God completely and everything will work out hunky-dory. Even Peter saw the insanity of Jesus letting himself be executed, and Jesus called him the devil because of this. The truth- according to scripture, God is not tame. His words... are not tame. He has asked people to do things... that made no flipping sense at the time, and had there been a loony bin, most of God's prophetic people would have ended up there, including our savior (who they killed instead...). Obeying God... is no simple matter. Knowing what is God and what isn't God... also no simple matter. The Bible is full of weird stuff- even in the New Testement, Paul was told that going to Jerusalem was a bad idea by everyone, and he did it anyways... It's hard to know when to listen to those around you, and when to obey your own convictions about what God has said to you. Anybody that says otherwise is either being willfully stupid, or hasn't looked at scripture that closely, or both...
Friday, August 06, 2010
Being Comes Before Doing
In the Kingdom, being comes before doing. As an example, let us say I want to succeed in a chess tournament. Going out and playing in a bunch of tournaments without any preparation beforehand is a lousy strategy- it is much better to prepare for hours during the weeks leading up to the tournament, and show up ready to play. That is because you built yourself up, making yourself into something competitive. You BECAME something, then you demonstrated what you became (a good chess player) with what you DID at the chess tournament. Likewise, in the Christian faith, lots of activity that people see demonstrates little or nothing. So you lead worship? So you lead a small group? So you are an elder? What value is that? People like to define success in the kingdom, based on what they DO, but what you DO is largely meaningless, unless you've already BECOME a person of standing with the king. This requires work, that no one sees. Fasting, prayer, study... time in the presence of the King is ESSENTIAL to success. You will never be greater in the kingdom than how deep you've developed your relationship with the King... and that happens mostly when we are alone with God. There is a reason, that most spiritual disciplines are practiced alone... that is where the preparation happens for being the kind of Christian God loves. Otherwise, you might miss an opportunity to help someone stranded on the side of the road. You might miss that hitchhiker who is already thinking about spiritual things (I met someone like this in just this way, and I'm pretty sure the prayer I prayed for them made a real difference). Any jackass can go to church. That proves little. Most believers in our country are near strangers with God, and wouldn't be able to hear from God if their life depended on it. Most people know God's love as a largely theoretical thing, not something that is life-changing. I'm not saying that these activities are worthless, but in my opinion, they are worth considerably less than people give them credit for. God isn't into doing. Look at the life of Christ- 30 years of development, for 3 years of ministry. Even when in ministry, Christ still took time to pray and be alone with God when he had chances. That is because, being was always meant to come before doing. You can become a great doer, by just learning how to "be" first.
Keys to being- you must discover God's lovingkindness for yourself, without which you will accomplish very little real good in the kingdom. If your core being hasn't been transformed to the point where your security is no longer dependent on what you do, and you can sit at home away from a meeting and not feel guilty about the fact that you did not go, then you have made real progress. Be-ers are not insecure about what they don't do, they see "things to do" as opportunities, which they size up the value of relative to other priorities. Be-ers make time to be alone with God regularly, because they know that success outside is based on preparation inside. Sometimes, if things are tough, a Be-er may shut down for awhile. This is very hard for the Do-er to understand, because their worth is found in what they do, not in who they are in God. The Be-er knows, though, that their worth is not dependent in what they do, and while riding out the tough seasons is rough, it is a greater sin to break down, join the crowd of do-ers and try to find your well-being in other's opinions rather than God's. Being is hard- it takes a lot of security. Be-er's recognize that they need to do some things that are hard to do, from time to time, but also recognize that their failure to act in such a situation does not have an impact on how God sees them, just that the other person or people didn't get to be loved by the Be-er, or the Be-er missed out on receiving love from God. I see being, at times, is like the caterpillar and the butterfly. You start off with what looks like an ugly worm (the doer, pretransformation, or the be-er right at the end of a really tough season). Then the caterpillar discovers that he doesn't have to do anything to be loved, and thus begins to form a coccoon. While in the coccoon, the caterpillar appears to be doing absolutely nothing. The truth is, though, if your identity is in Christ's love, you don't need to do anything to be loved. At some point during the transformation process, spiritual truths about the kingdom get absorbed. The pains, hurts of the past, and all the garbage associated with doing starts to be shed. No longer does the caterpillar need to impress... as the butterfly, it is free. Free to love without fear, free to do what God leads them to do, free to just be. As a butterfly, love looks like an opportunity, not an obligation. Freedom means being free from needing others' approval. Freedom means living at one's own pace, not giving one wit what others think about it. As the butterfly, you choose the opportunities that sound rewarding, and are otherwise appealing- particularly the ones pointed out by our king- and it really doesn't matter whether the people around you see the value in it or not. When you discover that God's opinion is the only one that matters, you are free to ignore the doers who live for other's opinions but not God's, never understanding that only his opinion and judgement matters whatsoever. Life becomes a thing of quality over quantity, and love becomes a free-flowing thing of beauty.
Now, my one caveat. You do need other butterflies in your life to sharpen you, to help you see when you are going awry. Nevertheless, aside from gleening wisdom wherever you can find it, you never want to make a choice solely because it is what others want you to do- that is the sin that keeps everyone from greatness. Love must always come from the heart, or it is not love- it is coercion, and coerced actions mean little to our king, who cares only about what we give freely from the heart. That is what our king desires- our freely given heart, not some coerced social appearance of piety. True love is only found given freely, or it is something else, not love...
Keys to being- you must discover God's lovingkindness for yourself, without which you will accomplish very little real good in the kingdom. If your core being hasn't been transformed to the point where your security is no longer dependent on what you do, and you can sit at home away from a meeting and not feel guilty about the fact that you did not go, then you have made real progress. Be-ers are not insecure about what they don't do, they see "things to do" as opportunities, which they size up the value of relative to other priorities. Be-ers make time to be alone with God regularly, because they know that success outside is based on preparation inside. Sometimes, if things are tough, a Be-er may shut down for awhile. This is very hard for the Do-er to understand, because their worth is found in what they do, not in who they are in God. The Be-er knows, though, that their worth is not dependent in what they do, and while riding out the tough seasons is rough, it is a greater sin to break down, join the crowd of do-ers and try to find your well-being in other's opinions rather than God's. Being is hard- it takes a lot of security. Be-er's recognize that they need to do some things that are hard to do, from time to time, but also recognize that their failure to act in such a situation does not have an impact on how God sees them, just that the other person or people didn't get to be loved by the Be-er, or the Be-er missed out on receiving love from God. I see being, at times, is like the caterpillar and the butterfly. You start off with what looks like an ugly worm (the doer, pretransformation, or the be-er right at the end of a really tough season). Then the caterpillar discovers that he doesn't have to do anything to be loved, and thus begins to form a coccoon. While in the coccoon, the caterpillar appears to be doing absolutely nothing. The truth is, though, if your identity is in Christ's love, you don't need to do anything to be loved. At some point during the transformation process, spiritual truths about the kingdom get absorbed. The pains, hurts of the past, and all the garbage associated with doing starts to be shed. No longer does the caterpillar need to impress... as the butterfly, it is free. Free to love without fear, free to do what God leads them to do, free to just be. As a butterfly, love looks like an opportunity, not an obligation. Freedom means being free from needing others' approval. Freedom means living at one's own pace, not giving one wit what others think about it. As the butterfly, you choose the opportunities that sound rewarding, and are otherwise appealing- particularly the ones pointed out by our king- and it really doesn't matter whether the people around you see the value in it or not. When you discover that God's opinion is the only one that matters, you are free to ignore the doers who live for other's opinions but not God's, never understanding that only his opinion and judgement matters whatsoever. Life becomes a thing of quality over quantity, and love becomes a free-flowing thing of beauty.
Now, my one caveat. You do need other butterflies in your life to sharpen you, to help you see when you are going awry. Nevertheless, aside from gleening wisdom wherever you can find it, you never want to make a choice solely because it is what others want you to do- that is the sin that keeps everyone from greatness. Love must always come from the heart, or it is not love- it is coercion, and coerced actions mean little to our king, who cares only about what we give freely from the heart. That is what our king desires- our freely given heart, not some coerced social appearance of piety. True love is only found given freely, or it is something else, not love...
Thursday, August 05, 2010
My Story, From Heaven's Perspective (Job Redux)
As usual, God was on his throne with the angels, when the devil showed up to talk to God, as he sometimes does.
"Have you noticed my servant Sean?" God says. "He loves me wholeheartedly. He's a great servant who loves to go the extra mile, even though I let you torment him for years and wound him incessantly. He lives by my love, and he's a history maker, in spite of your work in his childhood, as well as his time at Celebration. And, he doesn't blame me for any of it. You've totally failed with him." The devil responded, "Does he love you for nothing? You've granted total access to your presense 24/7. He hears of your unending love, and he gets the joy of ministering to others, a joy he gets from his unfettered access to you. I also know that you are right, taking your presense away wouldn't destroy him, you may be right about that, but what if I got ahold of his gift? He would then surely curse you to your face." "Really?" says God. "Hmmm... I'll take that action. I'll even do better than that- I'll let you have the man's sanity, I'll even let you have access to most of his relationships. However, I get final editorial authority on the prophetic words you give him. You may craft the words, but I get to edit them before you give them. Is it a bet?" says God. "I want one more thing... those words you give him, they must be somewhat misdirectional. I want to spoil his reputation, by making it look like he's obsessed with something he's not obsessed with. Also, I want access to the man's identity. I want him to think he's the Christ- with that belief, it will be EVEN TOUGHER for him to recover. I think, with all of that, he will SURELY curse you and reject you entirely" said the devil. "Okay," said God. "I agree to your terms. Let's be clear about this, though- the wager is not about what happens while he's under your direction, but what happens afterwards that defines who wins. Obviously, after going through something like this, it will take time for anybody to recover. How about two years?" "Fair is fair. Done." said the devil, and he left to begin the work.
For a long time, I didn't know what to make of what happened. I've felt betrayed by my closest friend, the God I love and serve. Until today, that is. It's funny how God will use things, to bring about his purposes- I got my first assignment in a long time. It wasn't hard, and it wasn't crazy, though God did ask for a lot. I realized, though, that I'm still loved. I also believe, that God's "editorial privileges" in this situation, both made it tougher to recover, but also at the same time, he made progress on a few... projects he needed work done on, that perhaps couldn't have made as much progress on in as short a time, any other way. I know... many may disagree with me. I don't care. What I do know, is I was faithful, even if in my faithfulness I went off the deep end. Does that mean I'm going off my meds? Hell no. However, I'm beginning to lose some of the edge off my anger towards God. I think that is a good thing. Will it be another year until I'm fully recovered? Honestly, I didn't know what time frame to put there. All I know, is that I'm pretty sure the devil is losing the bet. I still love God... or at least part of me does. It's a start...
"Have you noticed my servant Sean?" God says. "He loves me wholeheartedly. He's a great servant who loves to go the extra mile, even though I let you torment him for years and wound him incessantly. He lives by my love, and he's a history maker, in spite of your work in his childhood, as well as his time at Celebration. And, he doesn't blame me for any of it. You've totally failed with him." The devil responded, "Does he love you for nothing? You've granted total access to your presense 24/7. He hears of your unending love, and he gets the joy of ministering to others, a joy he gets from his unfettered access to you. I also know that you are right, taking your presense away wouldn't destroy him, you may be right about that, but what if I got ahold of his gift? He would then surely curse you to your face." "Really?" says God. "Hmmm... I'll take that action. I'll even do better than that- I'll let you have the man's sanity, I'll even let you have access to most of his relationships. However, I get final editorial authority on the prophetic words you give him. You may craft the words, but I get to edit them before you give them. Is it a bet?" says God. "I want one more thing... those words you give him, they must be somewhat misdirectional. I want to spoil his reputation, by making it look like he's obsessed with something he's not obsessed with. Also, I want access to the man's identity. I want him to think he's the Christ- with that belief, it will be EVEN TOUGHER for him to recover. I think, with all of that, he will SURELY curse you and reject you entirely" said the devil. "Okay," said God. "I agree to your terms. Let's be clear about this, though- the wager is not about what happens while he's under your direction, but what happens afterwards that defines who wins. Obviously, after going through something like this, it will take time for anybody to recover. How about two years?" "Fair is fair. Done." said the devil, and he left to begin the work.
For a long time, I didn't know what to make of what happened. I've felt betrayed by my closest friend, the God I love and serve. Until today, that is. It's funny how God will use things, to bring about his purposes- I got my first assignment in a long time. It wasn't hard, and it wasn't crazy, though God did ask for a lot. I realized, though, that I'm still loved. I also believe, that God's "editorial privileges" in this situation, both made it tougher to recover, but also at the same time, he made progress on a few... projects he needed work done on, that perhaps couldn't have made as much progress on in as short a time, any other way. I know... many may disagree with me. I don't care. What I do know, is I was faithful, even if in my faithfulness I went off the deep end. Does that mean I'm going off my meds? Hell no. However, I'm beginning to lose some of the edge off my anger towards God. I think that is a good thing. Will it be another year until I'm fully recovered? Honestly, I didn't know what time frame to put there. All I know, is that I'm pretty sure the devil is losing the bet. I still love God... or at least part of me does. It's a start...
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