Fearless

This season may be my most difficult yet. I've thought of previous seasons as being seasons of great difficulty. Only now do I see I was only in the frying pan, and only now I'm in the fire. Everyone in my life thinks I'm deceived. My prayers for others get answered, but at what cost! The good news, is that I've held on to my hope. I see that God is fashioning a deep character in me through this season, and though I'm at my wits end and I don't see why this has happened, I do see that I am loved. God has been terribly unpredictable to me, which is to say that I've tasted unpredictability and I don't like it. However, I see now that I'm capable of a great deal of ministry in a very short period of time. I also see what genuine love looks like. I've faced many fears and found that I am not subject to them any more. I'm not afraid anymore. I know what perfect love is, and I am now free to be fearless, except of my lord and master, Jesus.

It is funny that people are upset over what I've done, thinking my motives to be selfish. Yet only I know just how tough all my assignments were. None of them were easy. One time of being screamed at, and I lived in fear of being screamed at once more. I still can't believe I had the guts to not be subject to that fear anymore. That was so hard! I took the risk of being verbally destroyed once more, over and over again. For me, that was terrifying. And yet, I know now that even my greatest fears can be overcome by the strength God gives. I'm not afraid anymore.

Regardless of what you all think, I know I'm not a coward. Even if the only thing I accomplished in this was this very thing, I consider this a success. That is all I have to say.

Your friend,
Sean