I want to talk about something that I'm learning right now, something that for me is intensely difficult. I want speak of letting go completely of one's reputation.
As I'm writing this, I'm discovering the desire to explain one's actions or to be too forthright in an explanation can give everything away. Even as I'm writing this, I can think of examples I want to use that would make myself look cool, and I know I can't use them because people I know will read this, and I have my heart set on nobody knowing. What ministry I'm doing is rarely anyone's business but my own. How long I spent interceding for others last night is no one's business but God's. The desire to explain my actions knaws at me at times, because I deeply desire not to be misunderstood. Even my friends at times misunderstand my actions, because they don't know my heart. This is the ruthless test of my soul- am I okay being misunderstood? Am I okay if people don't get it? If I show the extent of my love, and people assume evil motives, do I have the internal strength to trust God to defend me, and let him take care of it? This need to be understood comes from the devil, because deep down we're afraid (or at least I'm afraid...) that we must protect ourselves from others' misconceptions. For me, this all compounded by the fact that I am mentally wired such that I don't think like everyone else, which gets me into trouble more often than not. Regardless, though, I'm determined to let go of my need to defend my actions, because I know that this is not the kingdom way.
I hope that the reader takes to heart not only this idea that Daddy will in the end take care of you, but also in the end, vindicate you. My prayer for my audience is that we would all learn how to ruthlessly trust Daddy, as he has promised to always care for us. After all, the great reward for surrendering our reputation is treasure in heaven, which is the only treasure truly worthwhile!
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